Suit #1: No sir, the kids don’t have school off tomorrow. You believe that?
Suit #2: Wait, the Catholic Schools don’t close for the Jewish holidays? You’re kidding me!
–Elevator, Park & 33rd
Overheard by: Nick Jezarian
Suit #1: No sir, the kids don’t have school off tomorrow. You believe that?
Suit #2: Wait, the Catholic Schools don’t close for the Jewish holidays? You’re kidding me!
–Elevator, Park & 33rd
Overheard by: Nick Jezarian
Lady suit: I can’t keep coming here to get my prescription filled. They’re beginning to recognize me.
Suit: So what?
Lady suit: So, what if I get in trouble?
Suit: Why would you get in trouble? You have a prescription from a doctor.
Lady suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I forgot to put the date on this.
–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.
–1 New York Plaza
Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?
–Wall Street
Overheard by: …I almost asked
30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.
–Court St. & Montague
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!
–G Train
Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips
Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!
–Queens
Suit: There are two kinds of people in this world: Those with MBAs from Harvard, and us.
–6th & 55th
Overheard by: Dan
Agitated suit on cell: A dime is worth less than a dime. A dime is worth less than a dime!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit to another: People are stupid, and the ones that aren't stupid are dumb!
–Madison & 49th
Suit: So Jake had this Mustang, right? And then every time he'd go to the circus they'd treat him like shit.
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: i'll take the mustang
Suit to sandwich maker: Give me one with extra juice, so I can let it drip down my chin.
–Deli, 33rd & 7th
Suit on cell: That's stupid! Just put it in a bag and throw it in the river!
–23rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tallnawkward
Suit on cell: I swear, I’m going to make her the sorriest crippled girl in New York.
–Avenue C
Hipster on iPhone: Hello? I’m sorry. I can’t hear you–I have an iPhone.
–6th & 27th
Hipster girl to out-of-town friend: Sorry about the smell, this area just recently gentrified.
–Orchard Street b/w Broome & Grand
Loud, drunk, British girl to boyfriend: We don’t know each other’s minds -we can’t read each other’s minds! So when you do something I don’t like and I tell you and then later you do something I don’t like and I tell you again… Well that’s two sorries in one day! And "sorry" is just a word, but you’re learning about me! About my mind.
–Broadway & Waverly
Overheard by: rpk
Woman on cell: Oh sorry, I have to go. Remember that woman that got pregnant by a bear? Yeah, I just ran into her.
–Astor Place
Dominican to friend: And just wait until I tell them all he’s Dominican… he’ll really be sorry then!
–5th Ave, near Empire State Building
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Hobo: So I beat her ass good! I told her, don’t you ever say you’ll leave me!…Hey man, you got an extra cigarette?
Suit: Nope, last one.
Hobo: Come on, man, why can’t we all love each other in unity? It don’t cost much.
–Brooklyn Heights
Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.
–Train to Glen Rock
Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.
–West End Ave
Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian
Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!
–Bedford Park, Bronx
Overheard by: Cousin It
Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.
–Pier 45, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn
Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!
–54th b/w Madison & 5th
Overheard by: Pedro
Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bethany
Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: GP
Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.
–6 Train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.
–37th & 7th
Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.
–116th & Broadway
Businessman (to hobo): Well, you’ve got to admit, there’s a lot of Jewish women and men in the city who will try to screw you over.
–Central Park
Suit #1: I don’t know if I have enough on this one card.
Suit #2: Do you have another one?
Suit #1: Yeah, but do you think they’ll let me use more than one?
Suit #2: Look, there’s a brotha on the register. He’ll understand.
–Target, 225th Street
Overheard by: Laura Tompkins
