Apple executive, about owner: The way I see it, you plop down 14 dollars to listen to Kenny talk for an hour.
Fire department regular, paying check: I'd pay 24 dollars for Kenny to shut the fuck up while I'm trying to eat.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: mhopkins
Slightly vacant suit: If there is a hell, I imagine it's a place where you have to pass nonstop stream of kidney stones for… forever.
Sympathetic friend, grabbing his crotch: Think there's plea bargaining in heaven?
–6 Train
Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what's the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.
–27th & 3rd
Overheard by: Chris Haddad
Ebullient cashier: Good morning, sir!
Yuppie, trying to control his two rambunctious children: What's so fucking good about it?
–Union Market, Park Slope
Overheard by: Thinking the same thing
Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?
–Union Square
Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.
–Pinkberry, 32nd St
Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!
–Union Square
Overheard by: hespeakstruth
Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Katie
Suit #1: The problem is that when I masturbate I get hungry, and when I eat I masturbate.
Suit #2: Vicious cycle of pleasure, man!
–181St & Broadway
Overheard by: FourthCubix
Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.
–6th Ave & W 11th St
Overheard by: Matthew
Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: DAISYMAE
Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Kon
Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.
–SoHo
Overheard by: seal
Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!
–38th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Kat
Little white boy, running down street: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
Black female nanny, pushing stroller behind little boy: Run to the bus! Run! Run!
White man in suit, trotting a couple paces behind black woman: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
–8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: amused tourist
Philosophical teen #1: Don't count your eggs before they hatch…
Philosophical teen #2: When should I count them?
Philosophical teen #1: Exactly.
Suit, passing: You're an idiot.
–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
