Wednesday One-Liners for Uncle Walter

High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.

–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn

13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.

–36th St & Fifth Ave

Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.

–Prem-On Thai

Overheard by: office peon

Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.

–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd

Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!

Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!

–Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: that’swhathesaid

Posted on May 28, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Brooklyn College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coney Island, Crime and Punishment, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Happiness, Kids, Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Pedophilia, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

You Don’t Have To– He Got Over It

Little boy: Did the Jews kill Jesus?
Tutor: No. It was the Romans.
Little boy: Aw, man! I hate the Romans! [angrily pounds fist on table]

–Community Center, 109th & Lexington

Overheard by: Drew

Posted on May 26, 2008
Boys, Default, History & Geography, Jesus, Judaism, Kids, Murder, Questions, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners With Leather Patches on Their Elbows

Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.

–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Norma Desmond

Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?

–Brooklyn Law School

Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh

Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Erum

Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…

–NYU

English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Posted on May 21, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Creepsters, Cum, Education, Fordham, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Koreans, Movies, NYU, Offers and requests, Penis, Porn, Queens, Questions, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Words

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

Motorboatable Wednesday One-Liners

20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.

–N Train Platform, 34th St Station

Overheard by: Regina

[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chockita

Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.

–Theater, St Marks Place

Overheard by: fhqwhgads

Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.

–Bard High School Early College

Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].

–Columbus Circle

Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!

–14th & 6th

Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash