Wednesday Tiny-One-Liners

Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your penis under a bright blue light. And it was small.

–Penn Station

Black guy to black friend: Her father does not want his daughter marrying someone from another race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I'll tell you one thing–he'll have a big dick.

–Bowery & 1st St

Overheard by: Zach B

Man to girl beside him: Mine isn't that big. But it's big enough for what I need it for.

–6th Ave & 9th St

Girl to friend: He had a big penis. It scared me.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: s0uthard

Young teenage boy to another: You're telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don't touch it?

–M21 Bus

Overheard by: zaarah

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fears, Friends, Girls, Guys, Height, Hunter, Marriage, Masturbation, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Race, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea

Posted on October 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Death, Education, Film, Movie Theaters, Movies, Old People, Questions, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Just As Nostradamus Predicted.

Teen girl #1, walking by poster for Vanessa Hudgens news movie: There's that high school girl, playing the exact same role but in a different film.
Teen girl #2, very seriously: Life after High School Musical is never pretty.

–Times Square

Posted on October 5, 2010
Film, Jobs & Careers, Movies, Teens, Times Square

Gosh, I Miss Paris and Nicole.

Teenage girl #1: Well, if someone runs up to us you can just shoot him.
Teenage girl #2, astonished: You know what? I think I left my gun in my other pants!!
Teenage girl #1, laughing: Well, watch out! Even though you're my best friend, if an angry man chases us, I'm tripping you!

–34th St

Posted on October 3, 2010
Friendship, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Teens, Weapons

Maybe He Doesn't Eat Carbs?

Old black hobo: Folks… Look inside your heart. I am hungry and I am homeless. Please help me with some food or something. Look inside your heart.
(young black teenager keeps waving a subway sandwich in his face while hobo continues to rant)
Old black hobo: Look inside your heart. I am so hungry. Just look inside your heart!
Young black teenager, real pissed off: Sucka, look inside this bag! There's a sandwich in here!

–1 Train

Posted on September 27, 2010
Anger Management, Black People, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Panhandling, Teens

You Can't Handle the Wednesday One-Liner!

Girls on bench: Is US weekly magazine, like, the only one that's true?

–Central Park

Man on cell, crossing street: And I told that Jewish cunt that everything she's heard about black men is true, and I'm gonna stick my foot in her fucking mouth.

–46th St & Madison Ave

Bum conversing with Bible-toting teens: Yes, it's in the Bible… But is it true?

–Union Square

Skater boy: Most things aren't true.

–72nd St & Amsterdam

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Christianity, Christians, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pop Culture, Questions, Race, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

You're No Body 'til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"

–C Train

Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.

–Union Square Green Market

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.

–Bowery St

Overheard by: Dj bj

Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…

–West Village

Overheard by: Cass

Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Martin

Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.

–Outside Erasmus High School

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Can We at Least Start a Band and Affect British Accents?

Out-of-town teen hipster: I like wish one of those cars could take a picture of us crossing, so it'd be like Abbey Road…
Friend: But this isn't Abbey Road, there's only three of us, and we're in the States.
Out-of-town teen hipster: So?
Friend: So it'd just be a picture of us crossing some random street!

–Bowery & Bleecker

Posted on September 10, 2010
Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Hipsters, Music, Pictures, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Don't Even Get Her Started on Snookie.

Older woman: I'll go over to the Arab across the street and borrow his machete.
Chubby brunette teenager: Grandma, he's not a Sikh… And he's not Arab. He's Bangladeshi.
Older woman: So they say. Who knows what any of them are?

–Central Park

Posted on September 10, 2010
Central Park, Foreigners, Old People, Parks, Questions, Race, Teens, Threats, Weapons

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower

Posted on September 1, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Families, Girls, Google, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Internet, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Music, Nudity, On Cell, Penis, Pictures, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods

Teens

Maybe He Doesn't Eat Carbs?