Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.

–11th & 2nd

Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.

–Post office, Park Slope

Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…

–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square

Overheard by: Carol

Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Posted on May 9, 2022
Backdoor, Brooklyn, Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Manhattan, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Union Square and East Village

Nothing Comes Between Me and My Revulsion

Hip Hop girl #1: Yeah, they’re tight, but they make me look good in a mirror.
Hip Hop girl #2: Uh huh.
Hip Hop girl #1: And I like the camel toe.

–22nd & 6th

Queer: My pants are so tight they’re soundproof!

–Bleecker & West 11th

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on May 5, 2022
Fashion, Ghetto Chicks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queers, The Village

The Multicultural Odd Couple Is a Lot Edgier Than the Original

White teen, grabbing heavy-looking computer monitor from black teen: Fuck, just give it to me, you whiner. You're going to drop it and we'll be screwed, you fucking baby.
Black teen: Bitch, chill, what has been with you lately? Lately you've been acting like you got your white boy period.
White teen: Really. Really. Look at me, look at what I'm carrying. Don't fucking talk to me right now.
Black teen: Definitely, white boy period.

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Posted on May 3, 2022
Black People, Computer, Insults, Menstruation, Questions, Race, Teens, The Village, Weirdness, White People

Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Posted on April 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Eating Out, Friends, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Kids, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Staten Island, Store, The Village, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

Stacy London: Ooooo…

Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you're going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn't realize you were late for your episode of “what not to wear.”

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: Jekke

Posted on April 21, 2022
Clothing, Comebacks, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Hootchies, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Teens, The Village

Wednesday One-liners Bring It

Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years.

–Bobst Library, Washington Square South

Posted on April 14, 2022
Anger Management, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Death, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, National Security, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Port Authority, Should've Used a Condom, Staten Island Ferry, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Violence

Extra Points to Those Readers Who Can Remember the Actor's Name.

Man #1, pointing to hobo with Down's Syndrome: Hey, that's that one guy from that tv show…
Man #2: Who? That bum?
Man #1: Yeah, that's that whatsits–that Corky guy. Y'know, with the mongoloid syndrome.
Man #2: Wow…

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Houston Lunch

Posted on March 20, 2022
Homeless, Men, Questions, Retardation, The Village, TV

The Square Of the Hypotitties Is Equal to the Sum Of the Squares Of the Other Two Girls

Girl #1: Wait, how many boobs are usually on three girls?
Girl #2: Six.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: anna

Posted on March 14, 2022
Girls, Questions, Rack, Science, The Village

I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner

Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: …and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

–Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I’m getting sick of it.

–14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I’m like super pimp. I pimp men and women… And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

–10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He’s a giraffe, and I’m a leopard, and I’m never gonna be a giraffe. I’ve tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I’m gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It’s in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

–Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery

Posted on March 6, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Hipsters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Relationships, The Met, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness

Your Editors Only Wish We Could Stop Watching Her

Guy: Snookie is not even Italian. She is Chilean.
Girl: Snookie is a creature of her own. I don't know what she is… She likes pickles.

–7th & 1st

Overheard by: R

Posted on March 1, 2022
Food, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, The Village

The Village