Bone Wednesday-One-Liners-N-Harmony

Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.

–1 Train

Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.

–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ryn

Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!

–45th St & 8th Ave

Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!

–N Train

Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: Garuda

Posted on July 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Delis, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Threats, Thugs, Wishes & desires, Words

The Sex Ed Teacher You Wish You Had

Teen sister: You mean to tell me you don’t find something wrong with a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old having sex!
Tween brother: It’s only a one year difference.
Teen sister: That’s not the point! Aww fuck it, but you better wear a condom, cause if you wind up someone’s baby’s daddy, I’m not stopping the chick’s dad from kicking your ass.

–Madison Square Garden

Posted on July 5, 2008
Advice, Age/Aging, Babies, Brothers, Condoms, Default, Madison Square Garden, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Sisters, Teens, Threats, Tweens

I Can Feel My Pores Loosening Again

Girl to friend: (smiling) I am so happy to have gone to the spa!
Angry preacher passing by: (screaming) You are all going to hell!
Girl to friend: (no longer smiling) I didn’t need to hear that.

–Port Authority

Posted on July 4, 2008
Anger Management, Default, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Hell, Port Authority, Preachers, Threats, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour

Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

–53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I’m going to pee right on this yard.

–Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

–Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don’t get it, there’s so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

–City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I’ve experienced coldness and evil.

–57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Fears, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Pee, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists

Referencing Obscure Things Is What We Do, Babe

Hipster girl: You know, I’ll find out if you’re lying. Then I’ll kill you.
Hipster guy: Yeah, I’m sure you could, Magnum P.I.
Hipster girl: (blank stare)
Hipster guy: You know? Private investigator? In Hawaii? It was a TV show in the 80s? Tom Selleck?
Hipster girl: If you’re just going to keep referencing obscure things this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere.

–F Frain

Posted on June 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Lies, Murder, On the Subway, Threats, TV

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bust a Cap in Your Ass

Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that.

–3 Train

Overheard by: Two Fingaz

Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other!

–Rush Hour, L Train

Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.

–32nd & 6th

Overheard by: sromeo

Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead."

–126th & Lenox

Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this.

–34th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Rent Controlled

Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at.

–6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope

Posted on June 25, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Pee, Shoot, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Threats, Washington Heights and Inwood, Weapons, Weirdness, White People

Wednesdays and the One-Liners Who Hate Them

Girl to friend: That’s because my heart is filled with hate and yours is filled with kittens.

–Something Else, Park Slope

Overheard by: jayloo

White guy: Well, if Kate* was my soulmate I wouldn’t hate having sex with her so much.

–W 57th & 11th

Well-dressed man to self, after making meowing noises: I hate my ex, I hate that fucking bitch! I’m going to stick a tennis ball in her muffler!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Teen girl to friends: And she, like, gave me an 88%. I can’t fucking believe her! I can’t even hate her, right? If she’d just failed me like usual, I could hate her. But she gave me a freaking 88%.

–Astoria-Bound N Train

Overheard by: Ben

Sad 30-something: My boyfriend’s mother hates me. She hates me because I’m out of work … And I shoot up in her house.

–7th Ave & 9th street, Park Slope

Drunk angry girl on cell: Answer the damn phone, you bastard! Answer the phone! I hate you! I love you! Call me.

–Port Washington Train

Posted on June 25, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Park Slope, Relationships, Sex, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, White People

How Children Learn to Stop Giving Warnings

Small child: I’m going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.

–1 Train

Posted on June 23, 2008
Boys, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Weirdness

If You Don’t Share with Him

(mom yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines)
Mom: Eric, let’s go now!
Eric: But Mom, I want one!
Mom: For Christ’s sake! Just take one and let’s go.
(Eric takes Gay Life)
Mom: Your father is going to kill you.

–80th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Schatz

Posted on June 22, 2008
Boys, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Moms, Parents, Threats, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Threats