Does It Wednesday One-Liner When You Pee?

Man on phone, while withdrawing cash at the ATM: Congrats, dude. It could still be chlamydia though!

–LES

Overheard by: Romano

Kid: I don’t like this place, it has aids.

–F Train

Overheard by: Richard J. Anderson

Man on cell: You can’t just sleep in somebody’s bed and not tell them you have scabies. That’s… irresponsible.

–Home Depot

Professional woman: So I think you have an STD and blah blah blah.

–Times Square

Customer: Can we get an extra plate? He’s sick and I have herpes.

–Freemans, Freeman’s Alley

Twentysomething businesswoman: I was like, ‘oh my god, don’t hook up with my mom’… she has crabs!

–13th & 2nd

Overheard by: Natalia

Posted on April 9, 2008
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Customers, Default, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, STDs, Store, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for the Polyglots

Frustrated bouncer: You don’t speak Spanish, you don’t speak Chinese, what the fuck do you speak?

–Broome Street, Chinatown

Woman, talking to friends: And I love how his "Dominican" wife has an Irish accent.

–109th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cassandra

Crazy guy running: The British are coming! The British are coming!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Woman talking to friend: So this Chinese guy told me he was speaking Vietnamese. I never knew that Vietnam was in china! I felt so ignorant after that.

–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

30-something woman to her female friend: I didn’t know he was gay. I just thought he was French.

–E 34th St

Foreign woman, after the entire audience has been screaming "Cunt! Cunt!" at the end of "Reclaiming Cunt" during "The Vagina Monologues": I think my English is improving!

–New School

Posted on April 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bouncers, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Default, Fears, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Global Geography, Guys, Happiness, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, New School, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

The Shameless Name Dropping Of Wednesday One-Liners

Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.

–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway

Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.

–11th & Bedford

NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Maya G.

Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken

Posted on April 9, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Baristas, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Duane Reade, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, Politics, Questions, Rich people, S&M, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Can’t We Just Do Meth Like a Normal Couple?

Pissed girlfriend: You never want to do anything fun.
Exasperated boyfriend: That’s because everything you call ‘fun’ involves heroin or fire.

–Union Square

Posted on April 8, 2008
Boyfriends, Default, Fire, Girlfriends, Heroin, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Meanwhile, She Lost 20 Lbs When That Leg Was Amputated. Lucky Bitch

Blonde #1: … So, he was like, sitting there, and she needed to take a tinkle, so, you know… She opened the door and a truck just smashed into her, and the car… Like, totally.
Blonde #2: Oh my god. I hope he had insurance.
Blonde #1: Yeah, me too.

–Union Square

Posted on April 7, 2008
Accidents, Cars and Driving, Death, Default, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Apparently It Will Get You Everywhere.

Parsons student #1: He always said he’d dump me if I cheated.
Parsons student #2: Do you really think he’d dump you?
Parsons student #1: I cheated five times.
Parsons student #2: Jesus.
Parsons student #1: I’m easily flattered!

–Loeb Hall, E 12th St

Posted on April 7, 2008
Breaking Up, Compliments, Default, Friends, Infidelity, Jesus, New School, Questions, Students, Union Square and East Village, Words

Not Even If I Gave It a Little Doorag?

Little boy: Daddy, daddy! I wanna make a bear!
Buff dad: Nigga, I done told you a thousand times, thugs don’t make bears! [Tiny black boy bursts into tears.]

–Outside of Build a Bear Workshop, at 6th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Becca

Posted on April 6, 2008
Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pop Culture, Store, Street, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Did You Even Read the Sign I Was Waving by the Side of the Road?

30-ish suit: I don’t think you really like me, just the *idea* of me. You know, I come off great at parties, and I make a lot of money, but really…
20-something hippie girl: Wait, wait…I just wanted easy sex.

–Union Square

Posted on April 6, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Hippies, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Sex, Street, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Will She Do an Inverted 4-G Dive at 2 Meters?

Queer #1: That guy’s kinda cute.
Queer #2: Dude, that’s a dyke…there’s a whole contingent of dykes that strive for the Tom-Cruise-from-Top-Gun look.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: paulie

Posted on April 5, 2008
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Movies, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Street, Union Square and East Village

Union Square and East Village