Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn't like it.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Student: Dude, I think I'm dyslexic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.

–Downtown 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she's not into anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: i don't like stuff either

Posted on September 23, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Psychology, Punks, Queens, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Patrick McGoohan Finally Gives In

Flyers girl: Hi, would you like to come to a party?
Guy: No, thanks.
Flyers girl: Why do people keep lying to me?
Guy: I’m not a person.

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Will Person

Posted on September 15, 2019
Flyer people, Guys, Lies, Questions, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Core…Body Temperature…Dropping…Need…Hugs

Drunk 20-something man: Ow! It's cold out, ladies!
Teenage girl: You're drunk, mister!

–4th St & 1st Ave

Posted on September 11, 2019
Comebacks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Weather

Wednesday One-Liners Read Body Language

Gangster into cell: Hold your hand up like a antenna, and maybe your budget-ass phone would work.

–E 5th & 2nd Ave

Posted on September 7, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Gadgets, Gangstas, One-liners, Union Square and East Village

Too Busy Defending Their Master’s Thesis

Girl #1: I’m cold.
Girl #2: Oh, shut up. What if you were homeless, then what would you do?
Girl #1: Kill myself.
Girl #2: Oh. Why don’t they think of that?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on August 29, 2019
Friends, Homeless, Suicide, Union Square and East Village, Weather

Wednesday One-Liners Do Dallas

Hobo: I was an extra in the movie [inaudible] Times Square, man! Did you see it? I was the one down on my knees screaming, ‘I’m a born-again porno addict!’

–N train

Man on cell: Yo, dude, I don’t know what to get! They got all kinds of shit in there!

–Outside adult video store, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: Sarah

Hot chick on cell: Why are you so stressed?! This sounds like a good thing! Don’t be so serious about it! It’ll be okay! Here, did you know there’s an animal rights group called ‘Porn Stars for Pups’?

–The Black Sheep

Overheard by: Argopelter

Guy on cell, pushing by couple with baby in stroller: I’m not going to California! I pay her twelve hundred dollars per hour. If she doesn’t sleep with Niko, then fire her! I lost a hundred thirty-eight fucking grand yesterday! Tell her what to do, and deal with it!

–Horatio & Hudson

Overheard by: Stephen Lindsay

Angry girl to friend: Seriously, Chris, can’t we go one day without talking about shizer porn?!

–East Village

Posted on August 27, 2019
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Default, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Poop, Porn, Store, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

The Last Quote of the Year

Two elderly women walk past a stand selling roasted cinnamon nuts and say: Ohhh boy, those nuts smell good…

–East Village

Posted on August 10, 2019
Food, Old People, Scents of the City, Union Square and East Village

Overheard Goes to the Cinema

Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Finer den Usher?
Girl #1: Nah, nobody finer den Usher.

–The Pavilion, Park Slope

Black guy: Yo, fuck the Jedi. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the other Dark Lord you’ve been looking for.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Joshua S.

Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Buddhist, but I’m really a Sith.

–UA movie theater, Union Square

Overheard by: Lara Evangelista

Posted on July 29, 2019
Black People, Ghetto Chicks, Movie Theaters, Movies, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Pick-up Lines, Religion, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side

I am an Individual

Nerd #1: From the way you talk about LISP, I think you went to MIT. Did you?
Nerd #2: Yes, I did!

— Union Square Park

Posted on July 18, 2019
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Union Square and East Village

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Union Square and East Village