Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Posted on January 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dreams, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kink, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Satan, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Down From Her Usual Four Chins

Girl #1: Did you see Lisa’s London trip pictures?
Guy: No.
Girl #1: She actually had a double chin in some of the pics.
Girl #2: That’s great!

–Union Square

Posted on January 6, 2020
Diet/Weight, Friends, Union Square and East Village

This Would Be a Great Start to a Horrible Sitcom

Drunk girl in stall #1: I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna do now. My ex took the apartment.
Drunk girl in stall #3: That happened to my friend, but she’s a hooker now.
Drunk girl in stall #1: Oh my god, really?
Drunk girl in stall #3: Yeah…but she knows this guy who can get me a really good deal on coats. You want one?

–Women’s bathroom, Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Sober girl in stall #2

Posted on January 1, 2020
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Union Square and East Village

When Snobs Sing Country Music

Curly-haired girl: When I think back on all the prestigious internships I had… I really regret how awkward I was.
Friend: (nods vigorously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Trist

Posted on December 24, 2019
Friends, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nostalgia, Union Square and East Village

But It Might Just Be a Jello Wrestling Pit

Drunk girl #1: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Drunk girl #2, despairingly: In a ditch!
Drunk girl #1: Awkward.

–14th & 1st

Posted on December 23, 2019
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Questions, Time, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Talk Shit

Woman to friend: I have a theory: they just throw the horseshit over the wall.

–Central Park South

Overheard by: marijke

Jewish guy: You need to come down here at some point and feel how amazing this chair is. It gives great lumbar support. You will be jealous and then you will poop from jealousy… But you better not poop on my chair.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Woman on cell: Honey, but they were pooping all over the deck and hitting each other with shovels!

–West Village

NYU student to mother: You can't really get a good dinner in this town for under ten dollars…well, you can…but you'll just poop it out later.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

(mother notices toddler's soiled diaper, says something to him, and bends down to pick him up)
Toddler (in small, adorable voice): Waaaaiit, can I walk, so my poop doesn't get squashed?

–Bedford & 5th

20-something guy to friend: You need feces? I can provide!

–Broadway & 12th

Overheard by: elijah

Posted on December 17, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Central Park, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jews, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Paranoia, Poop, Questions, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women

My Dandruff Became Made of Frosting

Hipster with bike: I swear dude, an entire dumpster, full of unopened boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Hipster without bike: Dude.
Hipster with bike: I swear man, I lived on them for the entire summer!

–10th Street between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: ann

Posted on December 14, 2019
Hipsters, Junk Food & Fast Food, Union Square and East Village

America Runs on Wednesday One-Liners

Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.

–N Train

All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?

–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!

–Uptown 6 Train

Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.

–East Village Urban Outfitters

Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.

–70th & Columbus

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Posted on December 7, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Columbia University, Crazies, Girls, Kids, Love, Old People, On the Subway, Politics, President, Questions, Race, Smokers & Smoking, Store, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Overheard by: chris

Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.

–LaGuardia

Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.

–41st & 7th

Posted on November 27, 2019
Artists, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Flight Attendants, Guys, Happiness, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Nudity, On Cell, Sex, STDs, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

On the Internet I Do

Girlfriend: My shoes are killing me.
Boyfriend: If you don't stop I'll have to punch you in the cunt.
Girlfriend: Would you even know where to find it?

–East Village

Overheard by: C

Posted on November 7, 2019
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Gripes, Punch, Sensory Experiences, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Vagina

Union Square and East Village