Wednesday's the Most Sensitive Part Of Your One-Liner

Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!

–Blake St

Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.

–Central Park

20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…

–Grand & Eldridge

Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)

–41st & 8th

Overheard by: S&B at STJ

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Babies, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nipples, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Robbing the Cradle, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Call It a “Job” for Nothin'

Bar hopper: Look at him! He's 20, but he sucks dick like he's 47!

–2nd Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Christian

Girl on cell: I'm really mad that he's telling everyone I gave him head, and calling my mom a milf.

–West 72nd Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Will

Student on cell: I can't wait to put that in my mouth.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wait, What?

30-something to teen: I'm telling you: ignore a bitch and she'll be giving you head in a day.

–Central Park

Slutty girl: So after about five minutes, I took a break and my jaw was shaking.

–87th & 3rd

Crazy hobo: Look, I don't mean this in a sexual manner, but could you suck my dick?

–Times Square

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, BJs, Body Parts, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Store, Street, Students, Teens, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Dreams, Drunks, Fordham, Friends, Guys, Hotels, Kids, Laughter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911

Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…

–MoMa

Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jason

Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Overheard by: scarface

Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Lord Almighty

Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.

–St. John's University

Posted on May 6, 2009
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Body Parts, Cell Phone, College, Cops, Dreams, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Library, MoMA, More museums, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Security Guards, Teens, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Candy's Still Coming Out– See?

Chick: So, when I was getting dressed, I didn't notice there was still blood on these tights.
Friend: How…?
Chick: From that pinata!

–Outside UCB theater

Posted on May 4, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Theater, Weirdness

Live the Stereotype.

Gay man: Oh my god, look!
Gayer man: What? That dead baby or those shoes?
Gay man: Yeah, the shoes.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shane

Posted on May 4, 2009
Babies, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Queer guys, Questions, Shoes, Weirdness

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts

Click here to see the new Headline Contest