Woman: I'll tell you why.
Man: Okay.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No. Woman, do you know why?
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No, but I would like to know.
Woman: I don't know either.
–U-Haul Store, The Bronx
Overheard by: Mike
Guy to friends: Guys. I need an attractive blonde, about this tall, from about 11:30 to 12:30 tonight. Know where I can find one?
(silence)
Guy: It's for a film!
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: queenofscots
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?
–Battery Park
Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!
–Old Navy Store
Overheard by: Joyfully Yours
Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!
–Astoria Park
Overheard by: Julie & Zane
Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
–Doma Cafe
Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?
–1 Train
Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: HJWC
English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: stupid english student
Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.
–Grace Church School
Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’
–Bard High School Early College
Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.
–Hunter College High
English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Girl #1: I don't understand why parents are upset when babies die…it's not like they've accomplished anything.
Girl #2: I think there's more to it than that.
–Howard Ave, Staten Island
Unwitting tourist to hot dog vendor: Can I see your sausage before I buy?
Hot dog vendor: Excuse me, hon?
–Astor Place
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
–E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
–1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
Girl #1: I want to wear adult diapers… So I don't have to go to the bathroom a hundred times a day.
Girl #2: But you'll have to go anyway, to change yourself.
Girl #1: Yeah… like once a day!
–CVS
Student: But if little kids are rude it’s not really their fault…
Teacher: Yes it is. [Grins.] That’s why I ate my children.
–English Class, Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
