Dude, Where Are My Wednesday One-Liners?

Suit on cell: You know, in the 80s everyone and their brother were making limos in their basement.

–17th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vespa

(obnoxious pimped-out car revs up at stop sign, then tears down the road)
Old guy: That guy's goin' back to the future! 88 miles per hour!

–9th & Stuyvesant

Tough-looking woman to younger one: Let me teach you how to break into a car…

–27th b/w 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Kyle

Russian guy on cell (in Russian): I am not seeing her as a woman, I am seeing her as a potential driver of a vehicle.

–Lower East Side

50-something woman: I haven't seen a good pimpmobile since the seventies. I mean, what happened to all the purple, maroon, and gold? What is all of this crap with yellow hummers and black Escalades these days, it's like all the pimps went to finishing school sometime in 1981.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Posted on October 11, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Foreigners, Guys, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, Suits, Threats, Union Square and East Village, West Village, Women

Sing It, Beyonce!

Girl #1: He has no idea how good this pussy is.
Girl #2: He’s just taking your pussy for granted. You know what you need?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: A new booty call.
Girl #1: I don’t have time for a new booty call. He just needs to learn how good my pussy is.

–The Riviera ladies’ room, W. 4th Street

Overheard by: Lela Justin

Posted on October 10, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Booty Call, Eating Out, Girls, Hootchies, Stall Spies, Vagina, West Village

Though I'm Sure Marlon Brando Is Trying.

Mom, visibly winded and tired : Why are we walking so much?
30-something daughter: To work up an appetite for dinner.
Mom: Dead people don't eat.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Posted on October 10, 2014
Death, Fitness, Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Questions, Street, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on October 7, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pictures, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

Alcohol and Nicotine, That’s the Way to Go

Guy on cell: Are you serious?…You really should stop smoking weed and smoking crack.

–CVS, 6th Ave. & Bleecker

Posted on October 2, 2014
Hard Drugs, On Cell, Weed, West Village

I'll Take “Lesbians Who Don't Love Their Girlfriends” for $200, Alex

Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.

–Elephant & Castle, West Village

Posted on September 14, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Lesbians, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Time, U.S. Geography, West Village

Judging from Her Internet Viewing Habits

Girl toddler (pointing at shop window): Mommy! Mommy!
Nanny (looking at busty, naked, corset-clad mannequin in sex shop window): That’s not your mommy. But she wishes it were.

–Christopher Street, West Village

Posted on August 28, 2014
Default, Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Physical appearance, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Game. Set. Match

Guy: You remember those Lycra bicycle shorts?
Friend: No.
Guy: … From the mid 90s?
Friend: No.
Guy: Well they were really tight.
Friend: Ok.
Guy: I used to wear them when I was younger and be really embarrassed when I got erections in them.
Friend: I used to jerk off with my dad’s dirty magazines. I would wrap them around my dick.

–Churchill’s

Overheard by: Veggie2001

Posted on August 26, 2014
Clothing, Default, Erections, Friends, Guys, Masturbation, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, West Village

Proof: Spontaneous Combustion is Real

Girl #1: When did you start smoking again!?
Girl #2: When I quit.

–Delicia Brazil, West 11th Street

Posted on August 25, 2014
Health and Hygiene, Smokers & Smoking, West Village

Gets My Cauldron All Stirred Up

Blonde: Don’t you think getting fucked by Harry Potter’s wand would be hot, because it’s like an extension of himself?
Butch girl: Oh my god, I’ve been thinking about wand-fucking for like six months!

–Bethune & Greenwich

Overheard by: Never Forever

Posted on August 25, 2014
Girls, Kink, West Village