Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)

–Applebee's, Astoria

Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Mira

Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"

–8th & 45th

Overheard by: i'd be scared, too

Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Brooke

Posted on September 23, 2009
A-List, About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Sex and the City, Skinny People, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River

Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit…

–Health Store, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on September 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, Cashiers, Columbia, Death, Store, Students, Suicide

It's a Vicious Cycle.

Ghetto girl #1: I just stepped on a piece of dogshit on my way to work. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Ghetto girl #2: Spray some perfume on your shoes.
Ghetto girl #1: I already tried that, and Britney's new perfume ain't strong enough!
Ghetto girl #2: Well, then rub it in shit again!

–Broadway b/w Maiden Lane & Liberty

Posted on September 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, Ghetto Chicks, Man's Best Friend, Poop, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Shoes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Yo Soy Wednesday-One-Liner!

Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Tater

Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Alice Dalice

Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.

–East Village

Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva

Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: monkey girl

Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!

–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston

Posted on September 16, 2009
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Asians, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drunks, Foreigners, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Musicians, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Physical appearance, Puerto Ricans, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Soho, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Victoria Does Her Best to Represent All Three Groups

Queer #1: He's just so hot.
Queer #2: Yeah, he's so gorgeous that everyone wants to have sex with him. Men, women, dogs… They all want to have sex with David Beckham.

–Bar 89, SoHo

Overheard by: undercovah sistah

Posted on September 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Gays and Lesbians, Man's Best Friend, Queer guys, Sex, Soho, Wishes & desires

What Happens When You Cheat on the Test

Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna love pediatrics!
Dude #2: Dude, I know. Dude! I was at the clinic, and there was this girl, you know, already laid back in the chair. She was waiting for something, I don't know, I don't know what she was waiting for, but she was already back in the chair, and… dude, she was sick hot. Like, she was a local, but she looked like a Dominican Jennifer Lopez.
Dude #1: Dude, you're gonna have so much fun with that!
Dude #2: I know, dude. I'm gonna fuckin lay my talons into that shit. Single moms? There are gonna be a ton of single moms! Third year? Good times, dude!
Dude #1: (chuckles into the stunned silences of dudes #3 and #4)
Dude #2: I'm glad I took ethics, dude. Shit, ethics? I didn't really learn a whole lot from ethics, dude.
Dudes #3 and #4: (amplified stunned silence)

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

Posted on September 5, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Library, Medicine, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, School and studying, Weirdness

She's Beautiful, but I'm Thin

Woman: So, my boyfriend has been listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack all week. He loves that Jennifer Hudson song.
Guy friend: He's gay?
Woman: He is not gay.
Guy friend: Yeah, maybe he just thinks Jennifer Hudson is hot.
Woman: Oh god. He is gay!

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 3, 2009
About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Film, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Music, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

80's Pop: The Universal Language

Black dude in deli, listening to Michael Jackson on radio: I can't hear another Michael Jackson song.
Arab guy behind counter: How old are you?
Black dude: 25.
Arab guy: See, I'm 37. When I was five, until 15, this was all that was playing.
(Billie Jean is now playing) “Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts!”
Black dude: Too late.

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 31, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Customers, Delis, Love, Music, Singing

On the Other Hand, “Bjork” Sounds Like a Gay Sex Act

Young gay man: The only woman I would have sex with is Bjork.
Disgruntled friend: What? That's like a lesbian saying she'd go hetero for Andy Dick!

–A Train

Overheard by: trainspotter

Posted on August 27, 2009
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Music, On the Subway, Queer guys, Sex, Sexuality

Let's Make This Train Ride Irritating for Everyone

Guy: You know, with that blue polo, you look exactly like Billy Mays. Say, “OxiClean.”
Bearded guy, yelling: Billy Mays here for OxiClean! Wait, no. (clears throat) Billy Mays here…

–E Train

Overheard by: pete

Posted on August 14, 2009
About Celebrities, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Guys, On the Subway

About Celebrities