Creepy patron: How's the cheesecake?
Bored waitress: It's as close to heaven as you can get!
Creepy patron: Well, people have different interpretations of heaven.
Bored waitress: (says nothing)
Creepy patron: Mine's a warm woman.
Bored waitress: Well, we're not serving those today. Just cheesecake.
–Village Bistro
Crazy dude: Hey, can I have a sample?
Barista: I'm sorry?
Crazy dude: A sample of your coffee.
Manager: Sir! I told you last week not to come in here anymore.
Crazy dude: Huh?
Manager: Don't you remember when you threw a cup of coffee, hot coffee, at one of my baristas?
Crazy dude: No.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Flea
Headline by: drkipper
Runners-Up:
· “I Was Just Venti-ng” – fuvvcckkk
· “In His Defense, No One Else Thinks That It’s Really Coffee Either” – Peter G.
· “Naomi Campbell’s Lesser Known Brother Strikes Again” – Jakal
· “The Sequel to “Memento” Lacks the Narrative Drive Of the First” – Toby
· “You Should See What He Did at the Sex Shop Down the Street” – Charlie
Barista: Basically someone bought a coffee Friday, came back Monday and said it's cold. Um, yeah. It's three days later.
–Starbucks, Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman, walking out of Starbucks empty-handed: Well, at least now we know where we can get coffee. You know, in the morning?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Overheard by: David Landfair
NYU student to coffee cart man: Can I get a venti-large coffee?
–Greene St & Washington Place, The Village
Overheard by: Jane
Male coworker: I was just going to turn water into coffee, like they do in the bible.
–Broadway
Hyper five-year-old to mom: Hey look, Starbucks. Let's go to Starbucks. Starbucks! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Juxie
Mother to hysterical baby in stroller: What do you want, huh? Coffee and a cigarette?
–Outside Bloomingdale's
Overheard by: kteezy
Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.
–50th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: jellybean
Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.
–3rd Ave & 11th
Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?
–35th & 10th
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho
Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?
–H&M, Broadway-SoHo
Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific.
–Lounge, Don't Tell Mama
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Suit: It's at the point now it doesn't matter too much if my wife gets mad, it's the nanny I can't upset. (other men laugh and agree)
–Uptown A Train
Female employee: I do not want to go to anger management for a third time.
–115th & 5th
Overheard by: Tara
Girl to guy: You seem like the kind of person that would be mad if they got shot.
–Wildwood, Park Ave & 18th St
Overheard by: Sean
Mom to three-year-old son: You mad? You mad? Well, you know what "mad" is spelled backwards, right? "D-a-m." Ain't nothin' you can do about that.
–St. Nicholas Ave & 127th St
Overheard by: stella ho
Thug: She's just mad 'cause she's Mexican.
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Wendla B.
Hostess running out of restaurant: Angry couple who just left the bar! You forgot your credit card!
–The Village
Overheard by: DW
Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.
–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel
Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.
–Starbucks, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!
–Rockefeller Center
NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.
–Union Square
Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?
–34th St & 8th Ave
Barista: Weren't you showing me some German porn just a little earlier?
Patron: It was not porn! It was a music video! With…lots of naked German men in it.
Barista: And the difference is what, exactly?
–Starbucks Near Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Kosi
Male barista: Do you have any Tylenol?
Male cashier: No, sorry dude. I left my purse at home.
Male barista: Oh, so you probably left your Motrin in there too…you know, for your cramps.
Male cashier: No, dude, not Motrin. That's Midol.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: a med student
