It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Lane

Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.

–East Drive, Prospect Park

Overheard by: White smelly jogger

Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that.

–Christopher St

Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread…

–W 110th & Columbus

Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black!

–E Broadway 99 Cent Store

Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!

–125th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: Ruby

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lower East Side, Men, One-liners, Parks, President, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Don’t Bogart the Wednesday One-Liners!

Flyer guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here until five.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Engi

Yuppie guy: Hey, you wanna buy a bong and get pierced?

–MacDougal & Bleecker

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Guy listening to iPod: Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed! Pussy, money, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Overheard by: BB

Black guy to another: All those niggas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each other!

–A train, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O-M-G, you’re high.’ And I usually am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she always knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to comment on it every single time? At the dorms, at parties, even at Target one time!’ Hahaha… But anyway, we might come Thursday. I’ll see if my funds are in order to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stunna shades.

–6 train

Guy outside MTV studios: Stay calm. Everything is going to be okay. There will be marijuana giveaways.

–1515 Broadway

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 3, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Default, Fears, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Race, Stoners, The Village, Time, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weed, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Babies, Backdoor, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dads, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Sexuality, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Trannies, Tweens, West Village, Wishes & desires

Not Since I Went on Oprah and Tried to Speak

Comedy pimp: You guys like comedy? Wanna see a comedy show?
College guy: Sorry, I don’t usually.
Comedy pimp: Talk to black people?
College guy: Have my sentences finished by black people?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Posted on May 30, 2015
Black People, Comebacks, Flyer people, Guys, Offers and requests, Race, Students, Theater & Dance, Times Square

Scrooge Is a Lot Bigger and Blacker in the NC-17 Version Of A Christmas Carol

Big black charity worker: Would you like to sign and make a donation for the less fortunate children around this area?
Newly immigrated Asian lady No, no have money.
Big black charity worker, unfazed: Okay. (starts walking away) Money makes my dick hard, I see Benjamins, I stay hard all day!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chuhan Luo

Posted on May 29, 2015
Asians, Black People, Erections, Money & Class, Penis, Washington Square Park

NewsFlash: Men and Women Not As Different As Previously Assumed.

Black dude #1, eating ice cream: My priorities in life is my family… Ummm… Food… And, ummm… Pussy.
Black dude #2: Yeah, I love pussy!
Black dude #1: I know, man. Me, too. I’m addicted to it.
Black dude #2: I wish it tasted more like Häagen-Dazs.
Black dude #1: Word!

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: Stavros L

Posted on May 27, 2015
Black People, Junk Food & Fast Food, The Village, Vagina

From the Long-Awaited Ernest Goes to ESL

Girl to old man in baseball cap: What does the “E” on your hat stand for?
Old man: (unintelligible)
Girl: The “E”? What does it stand for?
Old man: (unintelligible)
Black lady observing scene: E stands for the English he don’t speak.

–A Train

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on May 27, 2015
Black People, Default, Girls, Language Barrier, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Strangers, Women, Words

I'm Not Following You; We're Riding the Bus Together

White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!

–Bus, Brooklyn

Posted on May 27, 2015
Black People, Brooklyn, Friends, Girls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

…You Can Beat Me Later.

Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?

–The Bronx

Overheard by: Julio Pena

Posted on May 24, 2015
Black People, Families, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, The Bronx, Violence

In Retrospect, The Cosby Show Was Boring.

Black kid to father: Dad, were you ever a slave?
Father: No, son.
Black kid: Was I ever a slave?
Father: No.
Black kid, sighing: Good.

–Doctor's Office, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Mike F.

Posted on May 24, 2015
Black People, Dads, History & Geography, Kids, Office, Questions, Race, Upper East Side

Black People

NewsFlash: Men and Women Not As Different As Previously Assumed.