African American single mother: And what do they say on Maury?
Three-year old daughter: You are not the father.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Darby
African American single mother: And what do they say on Maury?
Three-year old daughter: You are not the father.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Darby
Young man with wife: Excuse me, miss, do you mind moving over one so we can sit together?
Angry black woman: No, no, no, no. I paid to be here, I can sit wherever I damn well please!
Man overhearing conversation: What is your problem, lady?
Angry black woman: Shut up! I can do whatever I want! I paid to be here!
Young man: I curse you, lady!
Angry black woman: What? You curse me? You can't curse me! You ain't god! You ain't nothin'! Well guess what, I reverse the curse on you, fool!
–Loews Theatre, 42nd St
A bike messenger almost plows through the crowd at a crosswalk.
Messenger: You gotta look! You gotta look!
Black Woman: Nigger, you look! You ain’t drivin’ no car!
–44th & Madison
Preppy teenage boy on cell: I use the word "ex" as a coping mechanism. She can have her name back once I'm healed.
–Grand Central
Transvestite on cell: I'm changing my name from Angela to Rachel. Angela sounds very Disney. I don't feel like Disney. I feel like a hard sound, like Rachel.
–Pelham Bay Park
Black guy: Shit be fucked up. Niggas got bitches' names. Bitches got niggas' names.
–26th & 8th
Overheard by: Withnail
Yuppie to another: You know, man, I think you say my name more than your wife's.
–62nd & 2nd
Overheard by: The Vonz
Upper East Side girl, seriously: You know what the first thing I look for in a gentleman caller is? His name.
–89th St & 3rd Ave
Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!
–Uptown F train
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
White man to another: Before he shows up, you should probably know this guy’s a top 100 digger.
Black man: What’d you call me?!
White man: Uh, I just said… We’re nerds. It means we’re nerds.
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
Black hobo to young tourist couple with baby: Mmmmmmmmmmm… That's a nice lookin' baby! You must've done good that night… or morning. (laughs)
Father: Uh… haha… yeah.
Black hobo: I need to find me a white lady so I can make me a Barack Obama. Mmm-hmm!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
African American middle-aged lady #1: So my neighbor said they are moving to Pennsylvania.
African American middle-aged lady #2: Yeah, I know people are moving there. It's to avoid the criminal element.
African American middle-aged lady #1: They are the criminal element!
–M1 Bus
