Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Wednesday One-Liner

Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?

–14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.

–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!

–Financial District

Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!

–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oh really?

Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Meagan O.

Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!

–University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: queenofscots

Posted on May 13, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, LaGuardia Airport, Laughter, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Panhandling, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Like Every Stripper

Construction worker #1: You gonna climb that pole?
Construction worker #2: Yeah, you wanna know why?
Construction worker #1: Why?
Construction worker #2: Because I have penis and a set of testicles!

–State & 13th St

Posted on May 12, 2009
Balls, Blue-collar workers, Brooklyn, Penis, Questions, Stupidity

Ghost Whisperer Gets Worse Every Week

Young boy to dad: Dad, I am still really concerned about that ghost we saw earlier.
Dad to boy: It was just your grandmother, I've told you!

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Posted on May 12, 2009
Brooklyn, Dads, Family Ties, Fears, Kids, Parents, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

That Would Be the Obvious Answer, Yeah.

Girlfriend to boyfriend, while eating ice cream: You know what I love?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: To lick my balls?

–Jay St & Lawrence St

Overheard by: blushing beauty

Posted on May 9, 2009
Balls, Brooklyn, Couples, Licking, Questions

Then Shouldn't You Be Wearing Your Glasses, Sweetie?

Grandmother, in french: What are you doing?
Three-year-old boy with spear-shaped stick: Shhh…I'm hunting children.

–Picnic House, Prospect Park

Overheard by: Incest King

Posted on May 9, 2009
Brooklyn, Families, Kids, Parks, Questions, Violence, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day

Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: jules

Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.

–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn

Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!

–Grand Central Subway Platform

Overheard by: djprojexion

Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!

–NYC Comic Con

Overheard by: RedmanInc

Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.

–Fordham Law School

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Fordham, Friends, Grand Central, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Laughter, Movies, Museum of Natural History, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Superheroes, Tourists, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Dreams, Drunks, Fordham, Friends, Guys, Hotels, Kids, Laughter, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

When Katie Lost Her Slip-n-Slide Virginity, She Wanted to Shout It from the Rooftops

Teen girl: And then…
Teen guy: Yeah, I know, it gets all slippery.
Teen girl: No! Let me tell you the *details*!

–Brooklyn

Posted on May 5, 2009
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Sex, Teens

Over Seizure Salads

Drunk middle aged lawyer: Okay, okay, here's one…what's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
Sober man: I'm afraid to ask.
Drunk middle aged lawyer: One shucks between fits! Haw haw haw haw. (stumbles off).
Sober man to puzzled-looking woman: I'll explain it to you later.

–Alumni Cocktail Party, Brooklyn Law School

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on May 2, 2009
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Illness, Laughter, Lawyers, Men, Parades & Festitivites, Prostitution, Weirdness, Women

Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.

–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn

Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!

–110th St Station

Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.

–NYU Bobst Library

Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.

–Columbia University College Walk

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Library, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Smoking, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness