Dad to son who is crying after being pushed by another kid: Johnny*, why are you crying? He didn't do it on purpose. He's your friend.
Johnny: No he's not! No one's my friend! I don't have friends!
–Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Overheard by: Margarita
Dad to son who is crying after being pushed by another kid: Johnny*, why are you crying? He didn't do it on purpose. He's your friend.
Johnny: No he's not! No one's my friend! I don't have friends!
–Brooklyn Heights Promenade
Overheard by: Margarita
Guy, running into store: Yo, you guys got baby hats?
Store guy (baffled, in thick accent): Baby hats?
Guy: Baby hats. Baby hats!
Store guy: No, we don't carry those.
Guy (appalled): Shit! You don't got no baby hats?
–99 Cent Store, Fort Greene
Overheard by: toto
Random old guy #1: What you doing there, kid?
Random young guy #2: Nigga, give me some space! Why you got your dick all in my ear, yo?
–Pitkin Ave & Mothergaston, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich
College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x-ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn't have fucked a fat chick.
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Glum construction worker, singing slowly: We will…we will…not get paid.
–Caton Place
Overheard by: Cottonfluff
Hardhat to another: You got a rash on yo ass, know what I'm sayin?
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: j
Construction worker to friends, watching girl in a bubble dress walk down the street: Damn, yo, I hate those skirts, yo. That's the stupidest shit I ever seen.
–13th St & 5th Ave
Construction worker to group of girls walking past, carrying food bags: Want to grab lunch?
(girls ignore him) Dinner? Breakfast? (girls continue to ignore him, so he yells at them) Just a snack, then?
–Prince Street
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Eastern European construction worker to pigeon: You! Yes, hey you! Eat this! Is good for you! Will put hair on your balls! Yes, eat, eat!
–23rd & 1st
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Bodega counter guy, to girl walking up to buy beers: Fuckin shit! Oh, pardon my language miss. Watch your mouth boys, there's a lady!
Girl: Dude, I'm buying two double Pabst and rolling tobacco, say whatever the fuck you want,
Patron in line behind her: This is Brooklyn, ain't no ladies here.
–Grove & Broadway, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: But baby, it's a full body workout, depending on the position.
–Pratt Campus
Jogger on phone: I gotta stay in shape, you know? I'm not getting any younger. Even though the guys I graduated with look worse than I do.
–Marine Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wantsoutof_bklyn
Older lady to young male athletic facility employee: Do you have big balls? Exercise balls? I want bigger balls than you have there.
–NYU Palladium Athletic Facility, 140 E 14th St
Overheard by: JohnB
Large smoking man with burrito and Margarita: I can never work out, I'm too drunk all the time!
–Blockheads
Overheard by: how do you live?
Sassy black lady: Daaaamn! You're making me walk all the way to 45th Street?
–42nd St
Large Latina on cell: So I grabbed the baby and said "Kali! She likes this!" and started doing squats.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Russel
