Preppy girl #1: I don't get it. She looks human.
Preppy girl #2: But she's not.
Preppy girl #1: But she looks human!
Preppy girl #2: But she's not!
Preppy girl #3: I get into your head and make you think I look human, but I'm not, really.
Preppy girl #1: Oh. So what do you guys want for lunch?
–Penn Station
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
–Fordham University
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.
–N Train
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
–Astoria
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?
–F Train
Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter's ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.
–Yankee Stadium
Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.
–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Dara
Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty
–59th St Subway Station
Overheard by: nickporjr
Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.
–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Sean
Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!
–104th & West End
Overheard by: communist!
Girl #1: When she was up on stage, she totally pulled her tampon out and threw it into the crowd.
Girl #2: That’s sick!
Girl #1: I think it’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to do that.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Mike
Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!
–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria
Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood
Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?
–28th & 7th
Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: camillo cavour
Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.
–East Village
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
Girl on cell: Dude, drunk chocolate is the best!
Random man passing by: Yes, it is.
–Union Square
Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: "Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!" But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s totally out of control.
–Barnard College
Man: The Tudors is like Law & Order for British actors. If you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s always that.
–Cort Theater
Overheard by: office peon
Young man to friend: It’s called Tudor Place. Hey, you know that show on showtime, The Tudors? Maybe it’s that family and they moved over here. Because the buildings do look old.
–Bryant Park
Hipster: I watched Lost one time. I watched Lost one time! A big monsoon was coming and some dude closed a door on it. Closed a door on the monsoon! I was like: "Fuck this, I’m done."
–Outside an Irish Pub, 54th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: jon
Soccer mom: Charles in Charge was a consistently good show.
–51st St & 8th Ave
Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Manhattman
