What's So Great Aboot Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train)

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: katiekatydid

Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian?

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian

Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension.

–Eugene Lang College

Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter?

–Broadway & 8th St

Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holls

Posted on October 4, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crazies, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Islam, Languages, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Students, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Bronx Zoo’s Most Controversial Exhibit

Chick: Omigod, look, it’s a moose! It’s like, a moose rampant.
Guy: Where? Dude, that’s a rhino.
Chick: No, the moose is next to it.
Guy: It doesn’t look like a moose. It looks like a buck.
Chick: Well, whether it’s a buck or a moose, there should not be a
rhino in that forest.
Guy: Agreed.
Chick: Oh man, now they’re raving!
Bag lady: Excuse me, you got any change?

–125 Street Metro-North station

Posted on October 2, 2017
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Hobos, Manhattan, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.

–Jazz at Lincoln Center

Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Overheard by: Queixa

Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Kateri

Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

Posted on September 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Disney, Drinking & Drunk People, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Lesbians, Music, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Staten Island, Street, Students, Stupidity, Time, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

That’s the Axe Effect, You Gauche Biotech

A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.

Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.

–Columbus Circle station

Posted on August 21, 2017
Anger Management, Cleanliness, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

Those Wacky Homeless

Hobo: It’s not like I even mean to keep talking. I don’t wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I’m gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch.

–W Train

Posted on July 22, 2017
Cocaine, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Too Proud to Beg

Hobo: You like rap? I started that shit. I did. I started that rap shit. Way before hip-hop. You don’t like rap, you ain’t shit.

–4 train

Overheard by: Aaron

Posted on June 24, 2017
Crazies, Hobos, Insults, Lies, Music, On the Subway

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

Posted on May 18, 2016
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Drunks, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, One-liners, Penis, Rednecks, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And I Did Promise to Stop Being a Weirdo

Crazy, loud hobo on train, repeating: “Jesus” is a six letter word! “666” means the devil! So, Jesus is the devil!
Fed-up passenger: Hey asshole, “Jesus” is 5 letters, not six!
Crazy hobo, pensive: Well, shit, there goes my whole argument.

–5 Train

Posted on March 18, 2016
Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, On the Subway, Passengers, Satan, Weirdness, Words

Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner

Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny!

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Joseph

Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do.

–12th St & University Place

Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change?

–87th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nynanny

Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish.

–McLean Ave, Yonkers

Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted.

–Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: craig hunter

Posted on February 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, BJs, Brits, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Crazies, Farting & Burping, Food, Hobos, Love, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Southerners, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Spare Me the “Great Institution” Joke

Crazy man: Girl, you been married?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: You divorced?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: How many times you been married?
(teenager girl holds out five fingers)
Crazy man: Damn girl, I've only been married once and we're still together.

–Time Square Shuttle

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on February 2, 2016
Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Times Square

Crazies