Girl to cop giving her a ticket after finding beers inside her brown bag: You need a warrant for that!
Cop: No, I don't.
Girl: You can't just look in there without, umm, probable cause!
Cop: Yes, I can.
Girl: You need to get a warrant first!
–Nassau Ave & Lorimer St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: David L.
MTA worker: Back in the day, cops let those gangs use all kinds of shit–chains, knives, pipes–but no guns. These days I'm afraid to let my son go out.
Young mom: Shit, you gotta be afraid for your daughter–some bitch tried to stab me two days ago!
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: conspicuous white guy
Drunk guy: They are like made for each other!
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I know! And not even because they both smoke cigarettes and are like, gangster!
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: saywhaaat
Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!
–A Train, Grand Central
Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Chadwick
50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!
–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lea
Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Suze Volchok
Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.
–Prince & Sullivan
Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.
–Q27 Bus
Overheard by: hey! i go there …
Conductor: Crime does not pay. I repeat, crime does not pay. There will be no crime on this train. Littering is a crime. Throwing up on the train is a crime. If you feel the need to relieve yourself, there is one place you can throw up on the train…on yourself. Or if you have a girlfriend, you can have her join in on the situation and you can throw up on her. I'm sure that punishment would be far worse. (at the next stop) I'd like to thank the gentleman in the second car. That was the most amazing display of projectile vomit outside the car doors that I have ever seen! A new record!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rob Mo
Thug #1, about classes taken in juvenile detention: I took nutrition. It was good, because I want to be in nursing, and it's like…wellness.
Thug #2: Yeah, well, I took culinary. It was sweet, cuz we like, made lemonade and shit.
–Penn Station
Teen #1: Yo, scar's a thug…
Teen #2: But he didn't even kill him! He pushed him off a motherfuckin' cliff!
Teen #1: And then he got trampled by some…wilda'beast or some shit.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!
–41st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: That guy has his hands full
Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!
–LaGuardia Airport
NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Me too Honey
Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!
–23rd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Xavier
College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Pola
Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Tim Roth
Bus driver, to man hanging from steps of full bus: Shit, man! You ain't seen five hundred people up in here? And five thousand behind ya?
Man hanging from steps: You ain't seen the whole county up my ass? Three buses gone by, ain't even stop!
Bus driver: It is illegal for me to drive with the door open!
Man hanging from steps: Kiss my ass, it is illegal for me to miss work on parole!
–Borough Hall Bus Stop
Overheard by: Tara
