Wednesday One-Liner Menthols

Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!

–33rd & Park Ave

Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.

–74th & Lexington

Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Francesca

Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: innocent bystander

High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!

–Chambers St

Posted on January 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cleanliness, Clothing, College, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Food, Girls, Hobos, Infidelity, Lower East Side, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Religion, Robbing the Cradle, Sex, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

But Officer, the Bag Is So My Friends Don't Find out I Drink Zima

Girl to cop giving her a ticket after finding beers inside her brown bag: You need a warrant for that!
Cop: No, I don't.
Girl: You can't just look in there without, umm, probable cause!
Cop: Yes, I can.
Girl: You need to get a warrant first!

–Nassau Ave & Lorimer St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: David L.

Posted on January 6, 2009
Brooklyn, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls

And If It Turns Out It Was Your Daughter? She's Dead

MTA worker: Back in the day, cops let those gangs use all kinds of shit–chains, knives, pipes–but no guns. These days I'm afraid to let my son go out.
Young mom: Shit, you gotta be afraid for your daughter–some bitch tried to stab me two days ago!

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: conspicuous white guy

Posted on December 21, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Family Ties, Moms, On the Subway, Stab, Weapons

They Also Both Binge Drink and Vomit on a Regular Basis

Drunk guy: They are like made for each other!
Drunk girl: Oh my god! I know! And not even because they both smoke cigarettes and are like, gangster!

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: saywhaaat

Posted on December 16, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drunks, Love, Smoking, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Giggle When They Hear the Word “Penal”

Woman to two male companions: I've fornicated lots of times, and I've never been arrested!

–A Train, Grand Central

Guy handing out tickets: Comedy club tickets, tickets tickets, get drunk and possibly arrested!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Chadwick

50-something on cell: I was watching America's Most Wanted last night to see if I could see…our boy!

–DeKalb & Cumberland, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lea

Grungy guy, carrying a slice and a bottled drink: I don't believe in putting off till tomorrow what I can do today…because tomorrow I might be back in jail.

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: Suze Volchok

Guy on cell: It's always comforting when I imagine people I don't like being anally raped in prison.

–Prince & Sullivan

Bus driver: The next stop is QCC. Queens Correctional Cen…I mean, Queens Community College.

–Q27 Bus

Overheard by: hey! i go there …

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Brooklyn, Bus Drivers, Crime and Punishment, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parks, Prison, Rape, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Times Square, TV, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women, Words

We Expected Nothing Less from the Birthplace of the Long Island Iced Tea

Conductor: Crime does not pay. I repeat, crime does not pay. There will be no crime on this train. Littering is a crime. Throwing up on the train is a crime. If you feel the need to relieve yourself, there is one place you can throw up on the train…on yourself. Or if you have a girlfriend, you can have her join in on the situation and you can throw up on her. I'm sure that punishment would be far worse. (at the next stop) I'd like to thank the gentleman in the second car. That was the most amazing display of projectile vomit outside the car doors that I have ever seen! A new record!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob Mo

Posted on December 7, 2008
Conductors, Crime and Punishment, Pee, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Weirdness

Then We Ate Pizza and Candy and Watched Movies on Our Big-Screen TVs

Thug #1, about classes taken in juvenile detention: I took nutrition. It was good, because I want to be in nursing, and it's like…wellness.
Thug #2: Yeah, well, I took culinary. It was sweet, cuz we like, made lemonade and shit.

–Penn Station

Posted on December 2, 2008
Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Education, Food, Penn Station, Thugs

I Liked the Part Where It Said “S E X” in the Sky

Teen #1: Yo, scar's a thug…
Teen #2: But he didn't even kill him! He pushed him off a motherfuckin' cliff!
Teen #1: And then he got trampled by some…wilda'beast or some shit.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on November 30, 2008
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fast Times at New York High, Murder, Teens, Weirdness

There's That Ivy League Logic

Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?

–Columbia University

Posted on November 23, 2008
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Druggies, Nudity, Weed

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch!

Angry suit chick on phone: No, I am your second bitch, but I still love you!

–41st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: That guy has his hands full

Cute activist girl, after extended conversation about Kwame Kilpatrick: I mean, you can't just kill a bitch and expect no one to notice!

–LaGuardia Airport

NYU sudent: She's like one of those fabulous bitches though, you know?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Me too Honey

Guy on cell: A dog show, like where you pick up bitches!

–23rd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Xavier

College student to friend: I really want to bump into him. Condescending comes across so much better in person. (pause) And I can't wait to be a sarcastic bitch!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Pola

Ex-con to group of friends: I don't mean shit to a bitch! (looks over at a terrified hipstergirl next to him. He takes off his hat) I mean. I have very little value to most ladies.

–C Train

Overheard by: Tim Roth

Posted on November 5, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, LaGuardia Airport, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Relationships, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Crime and Punishment