Hood teen #1: So they told me if I fight her I'll get arrested.
Hood teen #2: Why? She pregnant?
–L Train
Overheard by: Jamma Mamma
Hood teen #1: So they told me if I fight her I'll get arrested.
Hood teen #2: Why? She pregnant?
–L Train
Overheard by: Jamma Mamma
Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.
–College Point
Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon
Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.
–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn
Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?
–Drugstore, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Transit161
Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!
–Centre & Grand
Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown
Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.
–Barnard College
Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?
–82nd & Columbus Ave
Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!
–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island
Overheard by: Samantha
Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.
–7 Train
Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!
–Jerome Ave, the Bronx
Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister E.
Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?
–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan
Cashier #1: I have jury duty on Friday, so I'm not coming in.
Cashier #2: Jury duty?
Cashier #1: Yeah, I have jury duty on Friday. But it's okay, cuz I'll get paid.
Cashier #2: But what's jury duty?
Cashier #1: It's when you go to court and send people to jail.
Cashier #2: You can get paid for that?
–Supermarket, Queens
Lady, about gentleman's twin sister: Is she still married?
Gentleman: Unfortunately. I keep telling her, if she'd just shot him fifteen years ago, she'd be out of jail by now. She's not any better off now.
–G Train
Overheard by: Meghan M.
Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Kitty
Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too.
–F Train
Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even.
–F Train
Overheard by: kdice
Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you?
–Port Authority
Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there.
–59th St. Subway Station
Overheard by: slc boy
Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir.
–F Train
Overheard by: linda
60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.
–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance
Overheard by: Melissa
Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!
–125th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Anna
Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!
–Times Square
Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: hungry4biscuits
Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.
–Northbound R Train
Overheard by: ElizabethB
Father to child standing in shopping cart: Suzie, sit down in the cart, standing isn't safe and it breaks the rules.
Suzie: No!
Father, heading towards checkout and spotting police officer fiddling with handcuffs: You see that policeman? If you don't sit down he's going to take you to jail. Oh look, he's taking out his handcuffs and he's going to arrest you now. (Suzie sits immediately)
–Kmart, Astor Place
Tough guy on cell: Yeah, I was at the gay bah. It was two for ones. Whaddayou gonna do? Two for ones!
–Houston & Avenue A
Homeless man in subway station: Gay sex was invented to avoid child support.
–53rd St Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Woman on cell: Let me tell you something about this new generation of guys in New York: All gay.
–W 31st & Broadway
Overheard by: A passing gay man
Woman to husband: Not just a gay, but a heroin sheep gay.
–Broadway & 8th
Overheard by: TR
Cop to drunk: Who cares if you're gay? That doesn't give you the right to climb the fire escape.
–W 20th
Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!
–33rd & Park Ave
Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.
–74th & Lexington
Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: innocent bystander
High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!
–Chambers St
