Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.
–8th Ave & Carroll St
Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.
–8th Ave & Carroll St
6'6" construction worker with another, to Applebee's host: For two, somewhere really romantic.
–Applebee's, 50th St
Construction worker with Staten Island accent: Chick's like a fuckin' black widow, like, she gets you all swollen up and then just leaves you to fuckin' die.
–47th & 6th
Overheard by: need a tissue?
Construction worker to friend: That guy's got a job at fuckin' fudge pack city!
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: EthanK
Black construction worker to girl on street: Giiiiiirl, you lookin' good. (to orthodox boys) See, it's that easy.
–Near Edward R Murrow High School
Construction worker on scaffolding, yelling to another: Look! It's a bird! No! It's a plane! No! It's my cock!
–Driggs & N 12th, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Rebecca
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.
–Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend
Headline by: Nick Pollotta
Runners-Up:
· “Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a “Crappuccino” Joke Right Now?” – lauren beth
· “I’ve Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside” – KMW
· “Let’s Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck’s Next Door” – Coyoty
· “M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom” – Nick Pollotta
· “Starbucks’ Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There” – Chris
· “Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material” – JohnAustin
· “The Birth Of the “Ladies First” Concept” – Morning Glory
Teen #1: Man, this world is too overpopulated!
Teen #2: You know, if we changed all the “walk” signs to “don't walk,” and all the “don't walk” signs to “walk,” the problem would be solved!
–14th St & Broadway
Overheard by: that could work
Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…
–Gym, Westchester Ave
Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert
Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.
–NYU
Overheard by: mm
Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!
–Hudson River Park
20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.
–Brooklyn
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!
–55th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.
–NYU
Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.
–NYU Computer Lab
Overheard by: meli$$a
Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?
–5th Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz
Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.
–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Suze V
Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!
–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab
Overheard by: Steve
Bimbette: Yeah, I never really heard from him since his funeral.
Friend: Did you say his funeral?
Bimbette: Yeah, it was sooo sad.
Friend: His funeral?
Bimbette: Sheesh, bitch, get a hearing aid!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joel Moore
Girl: So did you hear that mom died?
Boy: Hahahaha, yeah.
–1st Ave & 11th St
