Wednesday One-Liners Need to Leave Eden Eventually

Angry Spanish boyfriend: You know why I'm talking to you like this! Because your boss was sitting there and you probably had no damn clothes on!

–Broad Channel Subway Station

Girl to friend: Yeah, I can't wait until we take off our clothes and do our make up!

–116th & 3rd

(20-something couple is walking down the street with arms around each other)
Woman: So were you self-conscious when you took off your clothes in front of the children?

–28th & 5th

White guy answering cell: Negrooooo… I'm on the Long Island Railroad being completely homosexual… You missed it, completely naked…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Xavier

Five-year-old girl, before performance begins: Are they going to take *all* their clothes off?

—Hair, Delacorte Theater

Girl to friend: God! I remember when my brother ran into my room naked screaming that he had two buttholes.

–Subway, 14th & 1st

Overweight middle age white guy to friend: I know, I get it, you like to sit naked in the mud while some guy serenades you on his guitar singing about things I don't believe and can't understand. That's your thing. I prefer hockey.

–89th & 4th, Brooklyn

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Infidelity, Instruments, Kids, Latinos, Makeup, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nudity, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sports, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

But Fabulous

Crazy #1: Oh, they were showing Psycho last night!
Crazy #2 (sucking teeth): I've seen that too many times. Even though I love the ending when he comes out in his mom's clothing. God, I love the gays! Oh, wait…he's psycho.

–L Train

Overheard by: Momma B

Posted on November 4, 2008
Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Weirdness

You Were All, “Whine Whine Whine, But She's Only Eleven!”

Girl: You always thought my mom was hot while we were going out. You'd be all “Oh my god, your mom is totally hot. I'd hit that.”
Guy: Well, she is!
Girl: I know that! But you can't want to fuck my mom and get all pissed when I want to fuck your sister!

–78th & Amsterdam

Posted on November 4, 2008
Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, MILF, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wouldn't Want to Rumple His Couture

Woman #1: He has been acting more and more gay lately.
Woman #2: Well, he does work in fashion PR.
Woman #1: I love it. It just makes me want to hug him more.
Woman #2: It actually makes me want to hug him less.

–F Train

Posted on November 3, 2008
Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Buy Hardware for Their Software

Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: J.D.

Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!

–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?

Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.

–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings

Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: MattyB

Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.

–31st St & 7th Ave

30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?

–D Train

Posted on October 29, 2008
Advice, Ass, Biotechs, Black People, Christians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tonight's Movie: 101 Dildotians

Gay guy, trying on long black fur coat: How do I look?
Girl: Like a gay, Russian, Cruella de Vil.
Random customer: I'm gay and Russian. And I wouldn't wear that.

–Century 21

Posted on October 18, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Default, Disney, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Global Geography, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Store

So Just Cut Out the Gay Sex, Guys

Girl #1: I can't believe John lets that guy fuck him in his ass…I mean, he's got to have hemorrhoids.
Girl #2: I know, I hate hemorrhoids, you really got to guard against that shit.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Atrain

Posted on October 18, 2008
Advice, Backdoor, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Washington Square Park

It's a Hop, Skip, and a Plumed Hat from Being Prince Charming at Disneyland

Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?

–Michael's Craft Store, Queens

Posted on October 17, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Comebacks, Coworkers, Customers, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Shopping, Store

And He Wears Members Only Jackets Around the House

Hipster chick: He's not gay, he just wants everyone to think that.
Hipster chick friend: How do you know?
Hipster chick: He'll only suck cock in public.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on October 11, 2008
BJs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hipsters, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Still, I've Never Seen a Straight Guy Hold Chopsticks With His Legs

Girl #1, checking out a dude in a restaurant: He's super hot, but I think he's gay.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, totally, look at the way he crosses his legs. And he's using chopsticks.
Girl #1: It's an Asian restaurant.

–Union Square

Overheard by: littleD

Posted on October 11, 2008
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Ethnic Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Gays and Lesbians