“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway

Posted on January 20, 2010
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Cops, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Winesday One-Liners

Mom on cell: So, she's a drunkard and you're taking her to a wine tasting?

–Park Ave

Overheard by: bad idea

Snooty hipster to girlfriend: This event is missing two things. One is wine and the other is cheese.

–Book Signing, Cobble Hill

Man to woman, looking at a wine list: Sure it's good wine. Brandon buys it by the case and takes it fishing.

–W Hotel Restaurant

Overheard by: Bob Leblaw

Crazy MTA employee lady: If you step over the line you will get a fine! And will not be able to dine on all that boxed wine! The fine, it will not be divine! And then you will whine. So don't step over the yellow line!

–4 Train

Overheard by: also stepped over the line

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girlfriends, Hipsters, Hotels, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Nothing's Better for the Inside Of a Girl Than the Outside Of a Zucchini

Guy: Did you know there is veggie porn?
Girlfriend: No, I didn't.
Guy: I'll send you the link.
Girlfriend: Not interested, but you can look all you want.
Guy: Not for me… I'm not a vegetarian, although I'm eating vegetarian.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: AsianLatino

Posted on December 19, 2009
Girlfriends, Guys, Internet, Porn, The Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

Men's Conversation Only Fills the Empty Hours Until the Next Blowjob

Girl to loser boyfriend: You wonder why we have all these problems? It's like, no matter what I say, everything goes in one ear and out the other with you.
Loser boyfriend: Nah babe, I listen to everything you say.
Girl: No, you don't–it's like I'm speaking another language…
Loser boyfriend: What do you mean “another language”?
Girl, getting upset: Nothing fuckin registers in that head of yours. We have all this shit to deal with because you don't know what the fuck I say. You say you listen but you just don't register nothing. Like I'm speaking another language or some shit!
Loser boyfriend, looking at another girl: So… what are you sayin'?

–South Ferry

Posted on November 15, 2009
Boyfriends, Ferry, Girlfriends, Insults, Language Barrier, Relationships, Words

Also How to Get Banned from Nobu.

Girlfriend: Learn anything new today?
Boyfriend: How to say “sexual offender” in Japanese!

–Central Park

Overheard by: lynn

Posted on November 7, 2009
Boyfriends, Central Park, Education, Girlfriends, Languages, Parks, Questions, Rape, School and studying, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Were Pretty Hot, Back in the Day

20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!

–27th & Lexington

Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!

–94th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Slapped her how?

Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!

–Murray St & Church St

Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…

–Houston & Allen

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Dating, Family Ties, Friends, Girlfriends, Guys, Insects, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Is Anyone Crazier Than White People? Discuss.

Intelligent-looking girlfriend: How's she going to run a marathon in 60 minutes?
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, indifferently: It's impossible.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, not even those crazy black people can run that fast.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend, unfazed: I know.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I mean, I can't even drive that fast in the city!
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: Um… I hope you can go 26 miles in one hour.
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was thinking 60 miles an hour. It's the vodka talking. Now kiss me once nicely, without whiskers.
(two minutes later)
Intelligent-looking girlfriend: I remember the first time I showered with you and I had this big snot coming out my nose.
Intelligent-looking boyfriend: I remember the first time I slept with you, and farted a lot.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on October 22, 2009
Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Nostalgia, On the Subway, Race, Sports, Time

Kim Cattrall Has Fallen on Hard Times

Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um… no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Kari

Posted on October 17, 2009
Advice, Bag ladies, Central Park, Girlfriends, Marriage, Offers and requests, Orgasm, Parks, Questions, Tourists

Cue Pat Benatar

Girlfriend: I just don't get people.
Boyfriend: I love you.
Girlfriend, panicked: No, you don't!
Boyfriend: But I do!
Girlfriend, walking away mumbling: I just do not get people!

–Central Park

Posted on October 4, 2009
Boyfriends, Central Park, Fears, Girlfriends, Love, Parks, Relationships, Weirdness

Weren't You Listening? It's a Mammal Thing.

Hot Asian boyfriend: Yeah… Once, I was really wasted and I had to piss so badly. I just pissed in the cab that I was in.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: You mean you pissed in your pants in a cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No, stupid! Right before I got out, I whipped it out and just pissed as quietly as I could.
(Pretty Asian girlfriend stops walking and just stares at him)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What?
Pretty Asian girlfriend, looking away: Poor cab driver! Oh, that poor soul… Who am I dating? (shakes head)
Hot Asian boyfriend: What? A man's got a right to mark his territory sometimes. Dogs do it too!
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Did you own that taxi cab?
Hot Asian boyfriend: No.
Pretty Asian girlfriend: Then why the hell did you pee on something that wasn't yours?

–Astor Place

Overheard by: poor cab driver

Posted on September 14, 2009
Asians, Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Girlfriends, Man's Best Friend, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Girlfriends