(white guy says long phrase in Chinese to Asian girl)
Asian girl, annoyed: I am not even Chinese!
–Brooklyn
(white guy says long phrase in Chinese to Asian girl)
Asian girl, annoyed: I am not even Chinese!
–Brooklyn
Guy #1, entering cafe, to tourist holding door: I'm not giving you a fucking tip!
Guy #2, quietly: You're welcome.
(woman comes in, guy #2 holds door again, woman nods politely)
Woman: You're not from round here, are you?
Guy #2, in British accent: Apparently.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Calas
Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and…
–NYU Dorm
Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill…
–East Village
Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine!
–91st St & York Ave
50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose.
–Yoga Studio
Overheard by: Puff
Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now.
–A Train
Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824
Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.
–St. Mark's
Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.
–Grahm Ave & Conseleya
Overheard by: Minna
Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.
–95th St & Broadway
Overheard by: John
Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!
–Staples Store
Overheard by: venniblue
Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Man selling comedy tickets: Hey! You guys look like you would enjoy some comedy and free drinks.
20-something man: No, I hate all of those things.
Man selling comedy tickets: Jeez, you don't have to be so sarcastic.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Comediphile
Guy in khakis, watching hipster: I'm totally more of a hipster than her.
Friend: No, you're not.
Guy in khakis: I am! You don't know what I'm like outside. I just turn it off for work. I've got a ton of tattoos…
Friend: No, you don't. Your mom would kill you.
Guy in khakis, hanging head: No, I don't. My mom would kill me.
–Fordham Law School
Dude to hippie chick walking cat on leash: Yo, that's a funny looking dog you got there.
Hippie chick walking cat: That's 'cause he's a cat.
Dude: Why you walkin' a cat down the street in New York City?
Hippie chick walking cat: Cause back in Colorado, he was indoor-outdoor, and now that we've moved out here for a while I just can't keep him inside. But I can't let him roam free on the streets, so I take him for walks. I love him too much to keep cooped up. It, like, goes against the nature of an animal to keep him inside and not let him experience the world outside and not let him meet other animals and other people.
Dude, amazed: Marry me.
–12th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Yeah, I like weird chicks too
Girl, holding guy's hand: Are you dating anyone?
Guy: No.
Girl: I thought you were…
Guy: I have an ex.
Girl: Oh, okay.
Guy: That I've tinkered with for about a month…
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Chris K.
Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?
–School of Visual Arts
Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?
–Lower East Side
College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.
–LIRR
Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alib
Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?
–177th St & Broadway
Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.
–49th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Michael
Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!
–140th St & Broadway
Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.
–Times Square
Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.
–Brooklyn Heights
