Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Raise Your Hand If You Love Drunk Talk

Guy #1: So I spent most of the night at her place, but we only made out.
Guy #2: Dude, she wanted to fuck you!
Guy #1: I know, I don't know what I was doing.
Guy #2: Well, dude, you did fuck her!
Guy #1: What'ya mean?
Guy #2: She wanted to fuck you, but you didn't fuck her, right?
Guy #1: Right.
Guy #2: She got fucked!

–Lolita Bar

Posted on February 7, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Sex, Wishes & desires

Gin and Sour Defeat

Guy in car to cop: Can you help me out with directions?
Cop: Yeah, sure. Where are you going?
Guy in car: Staten Island.
Cop: Yeah, you smell like you're going to Staten Island.

–Shea Stadium Parking Lot

Overheard by: BigVinnyVito

Posted on February 6, 2010
Comebacks, Cops, Directions, Guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Shea Stadium

Does Your Whole World Look Like a Porno?

Dude #1: I think Elizabeth and Adrienne are sleeping together.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah. Their body language is like, “when can we get out of here and have sex?”

–4th Ave and 11th St

Overheard by: Ultimate Warrior

Posted on February 6, 2010
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Language Barrier, Rumor Has It, Sex, Union Square and East Village

…So I'd Rather Not Have My Rug Peeking Out.

Guy to friend trying on shirt: Open another button, man.
Friend trying on shirt: Nah, man, I'm not a Persian…

–Store, SoHo

Overheard by: a Persian

Posted on February 6, 2010
Advice, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Guys, Soho, Store

I'll Take “Great 21st Century Lies” for $200, Alex

Girl: I'm not going to pretend that things are fine when they are not. You don't have feelings for me.
Guy: Don't say I don't have feelings. I have feelings for you, they are just in a different category.

–59th St & Lexington

Posted on February 5, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships

Myra Breckinridge: We Are Furnaces Inside

Leather jacket guy to girl: I need to make the water.
Girl: What does that even mean?
Leather jacket guy: I need to pee.
Girl: That's gross.
Leather jacket guy: I need to make warm water. It's 98.6 degrees.

–36th & 5th

Overheard by: i'm suddenly thirsty.

Posted on February 4, 2010
Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pee, Questions, Science, Weirdness, Words

The Pot Calling the Kettle “Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"

–Uptown N Train

Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.

–40th St

Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!

–42nd & 8th

Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!

–Outside The Met

Overheard by: Yellow!

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Apologies, Diet/Weight, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.

–Bedford Ave

Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.

–Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave

Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.

–Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.

–Metro-North Harlem Line

Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?

–Whole Foods

Overheard by: Sac

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, For Sale, Fruit, Guys, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods

Guys

Myra Breckinridge: We Are Furnaces Inside