Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Posted on December 24, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Sisters, Sports, Theater, Theater & Dance, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Asking for a Tiny-Package Comeback

Dude: Looks like that chick forgot to put her tits on today. (the three stare and laugh)

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Posted on December 22, 2008
Guys, Laughter, Physical appearance, Rack, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods

The Skank with Universal Appeal

Guy #1: Shit! I wanna tea-bag that skank.
Guy #2: I know!
Guy #2's girlfriend: Me too, definitely.

–Duane Reade

Posted on December 22, 2008
Duane Reade, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Guys, Promiscuity, Sex, Weirdness

Gets Complicated When It's Her Turn to Bring the Snacks to Play-Group

Random guy: She still breastfeeds her kids.
Random girl: How old are they?! Like 4 or 5?
Random guy: 9 years old.
Random girl: What!? That's ridiculous.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on December 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Rack, The Met

Finally, Someone She Understands

Asian Guy #1: You know what I wanna watch?
Ditzy Asian Teen: What?
Asian Guy #1: Talladega Nights.
Asian Guy #2: The story of a man who could only count to one!
Ditzy Asian Teen: Really? There's a story like that?

–68th & Lexington

Overheard by: dog run

Posted on December 21, 2008
Asians, Guys, Movies, Questions, Teens, Upper East Side

Paul Reubens Is Really Down on His Luck

Kid on bicycle which is far too big for him to guy jogging by: Damn, mister, it's too hot to be running…wanna buy a bike?

–Carmine & 7th Ave

Posted on December 20, 2008
Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Sports, Street, The Village

And I Realized a Detachable One Would Be Even Cooler

Guy #1: And you know if you use it too much, like if you fuck everybody it just…it falls off.
Guy #2: Yeah, that almost happened to me once.

–Elevator, Apple Store

Posted on December 19, 2008
Body Parts, Guys, Promiscuity, Sex, Store, Weirdness

Lime-Green Culottes and All

Yuppie wannabe guy #1: I'm not trendy, am I?
Yuppie wannabe guy #2: No, you're not trendy.
Yuppie wannabe girl: No, no. You're not trendy. You're you. You're you.

–MetroNorth Harlem Line

Overheard by: M.A.

Posted on December 19, 2008
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners, Actually

Homeless guy hugging another: I love you, old school! You got a cigarette?

–14th St & 8th Ave

Drunk, fighting with another and punching phone booth: I will fuck you up, man! I love you, man!

–E 11th St & 9th Ave

Sloppy drunk dial outside gay club: I love you so fuckin much, mom…like…*more* than Anna Nicole!

–Valda, Gay Bar, NYC

Female NYU student: You don't love Joe Biden as much as I do. Dude, Joe Biden is awesome! He should be gay!

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: Blair

Guy leaning against light post, to girlfriend: Listen, I love you…but you're so fucking mean.

–47th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: J&J

Posted on December 17, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, One-liners, Politics, Relationships, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Guys