Conductor over PA: Some asshole saw fit to leave a package behind on the train, so now we're waiting for the train police. God knows how long that's going to take.

–4 Train

Overheard by: arctinus

Loud hobo addressing crowded f train: I am unemployed. I am not begging. This is an uptown-bound f train. If you see a suspicious package…give it to me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Megerella

Rasta guy to whole car: Attention passengers! (does perfect imitation of opening subway door tones) Please keep your belongings in sight at all times. If you see a suspicious package on the platform or train, tell a police officer, or an MTA employee, or me—it could be a big bag of money, or a bag of medicinal weed. Not the haze, the spliff.

–4 Train

Overheard by: one love

Hobo (after imitating the sound of the subway doors closing): This is a Bronx-bound 4 train…the next stop will be 14th Street Union Square. If you see a suspicious package, don't keep it to yourself. Tell a police officer or MTA employee or me, cause it could be a bag of money or some weed! (approaching a white girl) Hey, pretty girl! You ever tried the flavor black? Cause once you go black you don't go back. Oh man, she's fine! She's fine too! I must be a lesbian because I like all girls!

–4 Train

Overheard by: can never hear those announcements with a straight face

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see or think you're seeing a suspicious package, don't be scared! Say something! The next stop on this train will be 125th Street, home of the famous Apollo Theater and Street Fault, now with white kids from the Old Navy commercial walking all over the place.

–A Train

Overheard by: Alix