Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

I Hope You Sprayed Some Windex on It First

Ghetto Dominican guy: So I woke up and I was covered in blood, I broke my face on the soap dish.
Ghetto Dominican girl: Oh my god! Did you go get stitches?
Ghetto Dominican guy: No, nigga! I put duct tape on that shit, I cure myself!

–Queens

Posted on December 23, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Dominicans, Health and Hygiene, Queens

Gets Complicated When It's Her Turn to Bring the Snacks to Play-Group

Random guy: She still breastfeeds her kids.
Random girl: How old are they?! Like 4 or 5?
Random guy: 9 years old.
Random girl: What!? That's ridiculous.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on December 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Rack, The Met

From Complaining About the Discharge?

Patient: I think my boyfriend and I have contracted either gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Patient: Well, he's having kind of a pussy discharge from his penis and a burning sensation when he urinates.
Doctor: And what symptoms have you been having?
Patient: Well, I've had a sore throat…

–NYU Medical Center

Overheard by: The nurse who just had to hear this story…

Posted on December 20, 2008
Body Parts, Doctors, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Pee, Penis, Questions, STDs, Stupidity

So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.

–W 4th St & Bank St

Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?

–M60 Bus

Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.

–Outside Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: shaun

Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?

–Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!

–G Train

Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron

Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on December 17, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Murder, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

You Always Know Just What to Do

College girl to boyfriend who is hugging her and moving around: Babe! Whatever you just did, do it again! My nose finally cleared!
Boyfriend: Uh, farted?

–B Train

Posted on December 15, 2008
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Posted on December 3, 2008
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Then What's That Kit-Kat Jingle About?

Child (walking up stairs out of subway station): Can I take a break? Let's take a break here.
Mother: No.
Child: But my legs hurt, I need to take a break.
Mother: There are no breaks in life.

–Lorimer St. L Station

Posted on December 1, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness

…When Did I Have Peas?

Young woman, after vomiting all over the train: I'm fine.
Young man: You're not fine, you just threw up!
Young woman: Well, I'm fine now.

–Q Train

Overheard by: MPW

Posted on November 30, 2008
Health and Hygiene, Men, On the Subway, Vomit, Weirdness, Women

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Health and Hygiene