“Not a Wednesday Was Stirring, Not Even a One-Liner”

Little girl: Daddy! I'm so excited to see the rats!

–Metro-North Rail

20-something guy to friends: He couldn't drink because he was on antibiotics. He got a rat disease from a lab rat that bit him.

–Lincoln Center

Guy to girlfriend: I step on dead rats all the time!

–Mercer St

Overheard by: Julie

20-something girl on cell: The mouse was fed to the snake the night before, so when I saw it the next morning, I freaked.

–R Train

Cop: We had a guy down here eating a rat. I said, "You're a gentleman in society." He put the rat in his mouth.

–South Ferry Subway

Posted on January 20, 2010
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Cops, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…That Reference Is So 1995.

Little boy, jumping in the air, fist raised: This is Mortal Kombat!
Mother: Shut up! Shut up!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Bryan

Posted on January 19, 2010
JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, Parents, Video Games

God's Great; Church Is Bullshit

Small boy, after lengthy service: That was so long. Why did we have to wait so long?
Father: Well, it's all part of worshiping god.
Small boy: I hate god.

–St. Luke's Church, The Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 19, 2010
Church, Dads, God, Gripes, Kids, Parents, The Village, Time

She Redecorated Her Mother's Uterus

Man to salesman, looking at $650 doll house: I want the house fully furnished. Can I pick out the furniture?
Salesman: How old is the child, sir?
Man: She is three.
Salesman: She may not appreciate all of this furniture at her age.
Man: Oh, yes she will! She is very detail-oriented.

–FAO Schwarz

Overheard by: laura pieper

Posted on January 18, 2010
Age/Aging, Clerks, Customers, Kids, Parents, Shopping, Store, Wishes & desires

Tonight's Movie: The Elephantiasis Man

Little boy, throwing tantrum in the street: Dad, my feet hurt. I can't walk anymore!
Dad: Yeah, well, my testicles hurt. Come on!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on January 18, 2010
Balls, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Parents, Times Square

Early in Life, Girls Start Drafting a Long List Of Requirements

Four-year-old blond girl: Can we get whipped cream?
Dad: No, we don't need whipped cream.
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is whipped cream!
Dad: No, honey, All You Need Is Love.
Four-year-old blond girl: No! All you need is whipped cream! And kitties!
Dad: (laughs)
Four-year-old blond girl: All you need is kitties! All you need is kitties!

–Trader Joe's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kristin Ostby

Posted on January 18, 2010
Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Grocery Stores, Kids, Laughter, Love, Music, Parents

We'll Find You a New Daddy at Happy Hour Tonight

Small boy, waving to man entering subway: Bye, daddy! See you tonight!
Mother: You will never see that man again.

–Broadway & Rector

Overheard by: neoteny4now

Posted on January 14, 2010
Kids, Moms, Parents, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Some Wednesday One-Liners to Make You Lose Your Appetite

Guy on cell: It's not like I take my ear wax, put it on my penis, and use it as lube.

–Queens

Overheard by: Jess

Friends on stoop: Bro, did you see that ass? I would lick the fart out that ass!

–19th & 6th

Middle-aged yuppie, about club in Las Vegas: And I said "here's our check, and if another pubic hair falls in our drink, you're in trouble!"

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Boy in car to mom: Hey mom, what about anal leakage?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brenna

Guy to friend: She said she was stressed out studying for finals, I didn't realize that meant she hadn't been showering. As soon as I got there we started "hitting it". It was too late when I realized how dirty she was. Dude, I literally licked a layer of crust off her.

–3rd St b/w Ave A & B

Overheard by: saffrosun

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Licking, Lube, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yuppies

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: a Space Odyssey

30-something suit on cell: We live in an infinite universe. That means there are infinite possibilities. You are insignificant compared to the size of the universe. You mean absolutely fuck-all nothing, so get off your high horse and do what you're told.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Megan

Guy on cell: Dude, so how much more time do you have in Russia before you go into space?

–Ave A & 8th St

Overheard by: Daniella

Guy on cell: The subways are like the planets. Generally they're in their orbit, but you never know. (pause) Really? C'mon, Mars!

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: furf

Three-year-old boy to adult family friend: I love you to outter space! Outter space goes upupupupup!

–West Village

Crazy man straddling bike: Goddamn! I can't believe I missed the last rocket ship to the moon! (in high-pitch voice) It's okay, man! There's another one in five minutes!
(back in normal voice) Okay, man, that's cool. Roger that.

–1st Ave & 1 St

Sales associate: They worked with NASA scientists. This is what the moon actually smells like.

–Home Fragrance Department, Bergdorf Goodman

Overheard by: Heather H.

Posted on January 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Astronomy, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friends, Guys, Height, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Philosophy, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Kids