Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beastiality, Body Parts, Bronx Science, Dads, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Or a Muzzle.

Daughter: Daddy, I want a cookie!
Father: I'll say yes if you ask for an apple instead. (pause) Or a Brussels sprout.
Daughter: Ahhhhh!

–115th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on February 6, 2010
Dads, Fears, Food, Fruit, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Wishes & desires

Try Me Next Week When My Manic Cycle Kicks in

Greenpeace guy: Hey, sign this petition!
Girl in black: No, thanks.
Greenpeace guy: It's to save the Earth!
Girl in black: Fuck the Earth.
Greenpeace guy: But what about the children?
Girl in black: Fuck the children.

–7th Ave & 25th

Overheard by: NSC

Posted on February 4, 2010
Activists, Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Insults, Kids

Republicans: Sob

Father: You don't tell me what to do. You're not the boss.
Three-year-old girl: You're not the boss, too!
Father: Then who's the boss?
Three-year-old girl: Obama's the boss!

–101st St & Riverside Dr

Overheard by: jobrody

Posted on February 1, 2010
Dads, Kids, Parents, President, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Tonight's Movie: He's Just Not That Into Hue

Thug #1: Dude, I heard that bitch had a baby by her son, her father, and her grandfather!
Thug #2: Son, I told you not to wear burgundy!
Thug #1: What? What the hell does that have to do with it?
Thug #2: Looking like shit has everything to do with everything.
Thug #1: Well, you're wearing red…
Thug #2: That's totally different, dumbass.

–Downtown 1 Train

Posted on January 29, 2010
Clothing, Colors, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Thugs

You Sound Exactly Like Your Mother.

Dad: If you don't behave you're going to get a spanking. Are you going to behave?
Little girl: (no response)
Dad: If you don't behave, you're going to get a spanking. Are you going to behave?
Little girl: (no response)
Dad: Well, if you decide to act like this again, then we aren't taking you to Hawaii.
Little girl: That's fine… I don't want to go to Hawaii. I hate traveling with you.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Jbak

Posted on January 28, 2010
Airports, Comebacks, Dads, Family Ties, Gripes, JFK Airport, Kids, Parents, Threats, Travel, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Silky-Smooth and Lightly Scented Wednesday One-Liners

Guido to another: She actually shaves between sex and shit.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Belladonna Wexhome

Middle-aged Guido: Nobody gives tricks any more, only treats. I remember when I was a kid. I used to get shaving cream in my face.

–78th St & West End

Overheard by: jess_stang

Guy coming out of Beeswax screening: I will not bow to the hegemony of the razor.

–BAM Cinemafest

Girl to friend and boyfriend: I definitely prefer a female gynecologist to a male one. Mine is a really old woman, and she's great! She just says to me, "I am shaving you." My lips are really big!

–E 7th St

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guidos, Guys, Hair, Height, Kids, Medicine, Movie Theaters, One-liners, Physical appearance, Poop, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Fonvielle

Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.

–Ninja Japanese Restaurant

Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jess

Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!

–Brooklyn Health Center

Posted on January 27, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Baristas, Brooklyn, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Families, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Kids, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

At the Very Least, It's a Good Way for Me to Recruit Drug Mules.

Nine-year-old girl to 13-year-old brother: You can't even get a real girl, you only meet girls off the internet.
13-year-old brother: Yeah, but it gives me confidence, it makes me feel good!
Nine-year-old sister: No, it doesn't!

–14th & 9th

Posted on January 24, 2010
Brothers, Internet, Kids, Teens, The Village

Which Is Loaded With Subject Matter

Ticket seller to woman, about toddler: Well, he can come, but there is, you know… Subject matter.
Woman, sighing: The boy watches SpongeBob.

–Fela! Box Office

Overheard by: Patrick

Posted on January 22, 2010
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Parents, Theater, Theater & Dance, TV

Kids