F4F Wednesday One-Liners

Fat, hairy hipster guy: I don't know, but somehow, lesbians are always a little in love with me.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: I'm sure, dude.

Fanboy-looking dad to 10-year-old son: Well, if there is a lesbian headquarters, it's probably, um…

–Prospect Park

Barnard freshman: The way I dress people think I'm a lesbian.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: funny

Young Latina to another: That's not being a lesbian, that's being nasty!

–5 Train

Overheard by: E.J.

20-something to another: She looks like Sherlock Holmes crossed with a lesbian.

–1 Train

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Dads, Fat People, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Kids, Latinos, Love, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners from Beyond the NYC Event Horizon

Five-year-old girl, holding her nose, to mother: It smells here! It smells like New Jersey! Mommy! It smells like New Jersey!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Cicero

Teenager: Oh, wow, I didn't know New Jersey had any buildings.

–Christopher St. Pier

Girl on cell: I think I slept with a whore. Then I woke up in Jersey.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Rachel

Crazy-sounding drunk girl: Ewww, why are there so many people from New Jersey here?

–Bowery & E 4th

Overheard by: do they emit a particular odor?

NYU guy trying to impress girls: My dad actually grew up right around here. Well…in New Jersey.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Girl sitting on raised metal platform on front deck to friend: Hey, do you want to turn around? We're looking at Jersey again.

–NYU LSP Boat Cruise

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Moms, NYC Geography, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village

I Prefer to Think Of What I Do As Panhandling Express

Black guy wearing North Face: Listen up, people! I'ma need some money to buy a coat, cuz it's freezin out there! This coat that I'm wearin' ain't mine, it's my friend's. So I'ma need some money to buy a coat…yo, what stop is this?
Asian kid: Times Square.
Black guy: Okay…if you want to donate, you can't. Cause I gotta go, man.

–1 Train

Posted on June 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Clothing, Guys, Kids, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Questions, Weather, Weirdness

Grease!

Lady: What Broadway show is this?
Little girl: This ain't no Broadway show, it's McDonald's.
Lady, laughing: Oh. Well, it looks just like that Broadway show next door.

–McDonald's, Times Square

Overheard by: Shana

Posted on June 27, 2009
Broadway Shows, Compare/Contrast, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Women

Wanting to Eat Your Veggies Makes Us All Look Bad

Hyper kid to mom, loudly: Where is my veggie soup!? (repeats it several times)
Grumpy old dude: Shut the fuck up, kid!
(general laughter)

–Deli, 57th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: gunnarsix

Posted on June 26, 2009
Delis, Guys, Insults, Kids, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Vegetarian & Vegan

Wednesday One-Liners (No Homo)

Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?

–Lehman College

Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!

–9th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: TR

Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?

–New Utrecht High School

Overheard by: Straight girl

Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?

–A Train

Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.

–L Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 24, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, College, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Reich Stuff

Fat guy in telephone booth: Yeah, well, Hitler invented the Volkswagen bus.

–7th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Mark Martin

Woman in alpine hat to another: I was not about to drag your half-conscious ass around a concentration camp!

–Zum Schneider German Restaurant/Bar

Overheard by: Nella

Guy: Jury duty is like the Holocaust. They put you in line and march you into a strange room.

–Off The Wagon Restaurant

Overheard by: thankfully not jewish

Teen boy: Yeah, after I watched that movie I couldn't talk to German people at all. For like a month afterwards, every time I saw a person who looked German I was like, "you evil, evil Nazi!"

–Bull Statue, Bowling Green

Little boy to friends: And next year, we're going to assassinate Hitler!

–66th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on June 24, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Fat People, Foreigners, Friends, Glad the Condom Broke, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Movies, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Time, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

At the Harvard Info Session, They Give You Unsolvable Rubik's Cubes

Stanford admissions officer: You'll need to submit either the act or the act as a part of your application.
Audience: (confused silence)
Audience member: You said “act” twice.
Stanford admissions officer: Sorry. Stanford will take your composite score from the act and break it down, looking at the individual components. If you choose to take the act with writing instead, we will look at your best composite score.
Kid, muttering to dad: Is this some kind of mind game?

–Morgan Stanley Headquarters, Stanford University Information Session

Overheard by: I swear I wasn't mishearing him say

Posted on June 23, 2009
Academics, College, Dads, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Words

…While I Wipe Off the Tears on My Sleeve

Promoter, stopping friends: Hey! You guys look like pretty awesome people!
Friend #1: Nah, we're really not.
Friend #2: Yeah, we're actually pretty lame.
Promoter: Well, you at least like kids, right?
Friend #1: No. I fucking hate kids. They're terrible. I punch them all the time.
Promoter: Haha. Well, what about animals?
Friend #1: Nope. I hate them too…especially kittens and puppies. I punch them too. I do the double punch. Kids and puppies at the same time. (starts punching the air violently with both of her fists)
Promoter: Okay then. You guys have a nice day…

–Union Square

Overheard by: hj

Posted on June 20, 2009
Animals & Nature, Compliments, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gripes, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Physical appearance, Punch, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

When You Have to Spend All Day with 4-Year-Olds, You'll Understand.

Preschool teacher to large group of four-year-olds passing laundromat: I'm going to throw you in those washing machines!
Four-year-olds, shrieking: Nooooooo!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on June 19, 2009
Astoria, Elementary & Middle School, Fears, Kids, Teachers/Professors, Threats