Wednesday One-Liners for the Thirteen-Year-Old in Everyone

Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.

–Apartment Building, Midtown

Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."

–L Train

Overheard by: atrain

Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.

–1st & 15th

Overheard by: Angela

Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.

–77th & 2nd

Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."

–W 24th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Posted on September 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Food, Friends, Girls, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, STDs, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Weirdness

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office

Posted on September 8, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Babies, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, People, Places, Poop, Pop Culture, Port Authority, Queens, Shoot, Suits, Times Square, Topics, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Women

As Close to a Sweet Vignette As OINY Gets

(man with headphones singing out loud moves over so that an elderly couple can sit down together)
Old lady: Thank you.
Man: You are very, very welcome. I’m rappin’ out loud, but I’m a gentleman. I was raised in the streets, but I’m good.

–1 Train

Overheard by: huh?

Posted on September 2, 2020
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Default, Education, Etiquette, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Women

Gentleman of the Old School Seeks to Meet Lady for Intelligent Conversation – Nonsmokers Preferred

Girl: Have you got a light, baby?
Man: No! I will not have sex with you!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Loves Sex and the City

Posted on August 16, 2020
Brooklyn, Girls, Men, Relationships, Sex, Smokers & Smoking

“What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)”

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!

Posted on August 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Fat People, Food, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Queens, Street, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Circumcision Peels the Potato; Neutering Juliennes It

Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nettle

Posted on August 3, 2020
Central Park, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Parks, Private Parts, Questions, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

Posted on July 26, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Store, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Because Mr. Cruise is Clearly Well Balanced

L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: ichi gami

Posted on July 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Assholes, Flyer people, Insults, Men, Only in New York, Questions, Religion, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

I Mean, Why Die If You Care About Your Body?

Man #1: So they were just rolling around in the back of the car, you didn't use anything to hold them down at all?
Man #2: Well, I mean, the bodies are gonna be embalmed anyways, they get all stiff then–so why would I?

–Bedford & N 8th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: raeme