Hobo: Spare some change?…Why are you so selfish?
Man: Why are you so poor?
–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: David B.
Hobo: Spare some change?…Why are you so selfish?
Man: Why are you so poor?
–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: David B.
Older black man (squinting at the map through bifocals): Boy, this train doesn't even *go* to Franklin Street.
Younger black man: Give me my glasses, sit down, and shut the hell up! If you were in charge, we'd be on a 5 train and lost!
–2 Train
Overheard by: 2littlewings
Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.
–Sephora, 19th & 5th
Overheard by: yassira diggs
Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie!
–flight into JFK
Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now!
–Brooklyn Museum
Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know?
–Penn Station
God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed!
–4 train
Overheard by: saltylips
God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth!
–1st Avenue L station
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here.
–46th between 8th & 9th
Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage!
–45th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Alex Venguer
Man, painted completely silver, to lesbian: I'll cook you dinner if you let me eat you for breakfast.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Adrienne
Man #1: I swear, if she asks me if I love her one more time I’m going to punch her in the goddamn face. She’s driving me up a fucking wall!
Man #2: Maybe you should just break up with her.
Man #1: What, and be alone?
–On 66 West cross town
Man: So yeah, he went away to a fairy commune, but I hear he’s having a really good time.
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Gabriel and Lauren
Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.
–14th & 8th
Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!
–St. Mark's Place
Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…
–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill
Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!
–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave
Nervous hipster: You know, it's really true what they say about friends with eczema…
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: chris
Guy on cell: So she got cancer, big fuckin deal!
–1st Ave & St. Mark's
Man on cell: Next time they call, just politely say there's no one here with diabetes.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola Black
Woman exiting car: There's this bump between my ass and cooch. I think I should get that checked.
–W 4th St
20-something guy to 40-something woman: Look, I'm not saying I'm not concerned about my hand being sticky, but I'm more concerned about malaria.
–Café
(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window!
–2 Train
Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…
–Hudson River Park
Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?
–F Train
Overheard by: Elise
Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?
–6 Train
Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Megan
Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Josh
Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!
–77th & 34th
