Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!

–Grand Concourse, 205th St.

Overheard by: LSB

Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Overheard by: Mark

Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.

–Queens Mall

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on March 9, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Black People, Celebrities, Church, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Islam, Malls, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Queens, Religion, Sex, The Bronx, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.

–E 19th & Park Ave South

Headline by: boyhowdy

Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 2, 2016
Death, Education, Family Ties, Headline Contest Winners, Language Barrier, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Time, Women

The Politics of Wednesday One-liners

Old man: It takes a student of human nature. You have to talk to people. You never know what it is you are talking to. You never know if that person just crawled out of a sewer.

–Elevator, Hudson & Broome

Overheard by: Rick Felice

Posted on March 2, 2016
Advice, Animals & Nature, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Old People, Only in New York, Soho

Would Make Our Jobs a Lot Harder

Woman stuck in bathroom, kicking and banging: Help me! [Inaudible yelling in Spanish.]Conductor: Miss, don’t push the door, slide the door!
Man: Some people just shouldn’t be allowed on the train.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on February 24, 2016
Advice, Conductors, Default, Gripes, Idiots, Men, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Women

Isn't That What Hipsters Are All About?

Teenage hipster to 40-something man in old clothes: Woah, is that a Hands Across America shirt?
40-something man: Yeah. Is that nostalgia for something you weren't even alive for?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Nostaliga-riffic

Posted on February 23, 2016
Age/Aging, Astoria, Clothing, Hipsters, Men, Nostalgia, Teens

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

Posted on February 19, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Latinos, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Race, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Or at Harvard Business School

Customer: What happened to your hair?
Male barista (showing off haircut): Locks of love… locks of love.
Customer: So… someday I’ll wear your hair in a play?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on February 14, 2016
Baristas, Customers, Default, Hair, Love, Men, Money & Class, Questions, Starbucks, Theater & Dance

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Woman on cell: Okay, but this time please stay out of my underwear drawer.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Jess

Overconfident guy: I know, I know. You say you have a 3.7 at NYU Law, and the panties just drop.

–Dorm, NYU Law

Overheard by: holdingbacklaughter

Little old lady on park bench to another: Well, I've been stuffing my bra now, and now I can't find my money.

–Central Park West & 63rd St

Overheard by: Jen

Woman: My dog only eats my underwear. He doesn't eat my son's. He doesn't eat my husband's. Only mine! I wonder why. (pauses to think) Hmm… it must be that feminine smell.

–E 40th St

Overheard by: TMI

Livid man on cell: No! You can't have your underwear back!

–Chelsea

Posted on February 5, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Spare Me the “Great Institution” Joke

Crazy man: Girl, you been married?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: You divorced?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: How many times you been married?
(teenager girl holds out five fingers)
Crazy man: Damn girl, I've only been married once and we're still together.

–Time Square Shuttle

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on February 2, 2016
Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Times Square

Still Think Gender’s a Binary?

Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: smokincat

Posted on January 29, 2016
Balls, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Homeless, Masturbation, Men, Penis, The Village

Men