Wednesday Undie-Liners

Woman on cell: Okay, but this time please stay out of my underwear drawer.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Jess

Overconfident guy: I know, I know. You say you have a 3.7 at NYU Law, and the panties just drop.

–Dorm, NYU Law

Overheard by: holdingbacklaughter

Little old lady on park bench to another: Well, I've been stuffing my bra now, and now I can't find my money.

–Central Park West & 63rd St

Overheard by: Jen

Woman: My dog only eats my underwear. He doesn't eat my son's. He doesn't eat my husband's. Only mine! I wonder why. (pauses to think) Hmm… it must be that feminine smell.

–E 40th St

Overheard by: TMI

Livid man on cell: No! You can't have your underwear back!

–Chelsea

Posted on February 5, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Just Spare Me the “Great Institution” Joke

Crazy man: Girl, you been married?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: You divorced?
Teenager girl: Yes.
Crazy man: How many times you been married?
(teenager girl holds out five fingers)
Crazy man: Damn girl, I've only been married once and we're still together.

–Time Square Shuttle

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on February 2, 2016
Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Default, Girls, Marriage, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Times Square

Still Think Gender’s a Binary?

Homeless man: If I can’t get me a girl, I’m gonna masturbate until my dick falls off!
Nearby butch-looking chick: Yeah!! Me, too!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: smokincat

Posted on January 29, 2016
Balls, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Homeless, Masturbation, Men, Penis, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowling Green

Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)

–Hudson Line Train

Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!

–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway

Overheard by: Suze V

Posted on January 22, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Brooklyn, Conductors, Cum, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Have a Happy Kwanzaakkah!

Waiter: Hey, wassup? I’m Sean. What’s your name?
Girl: Rebecca. Nice to meet you.
Waiter: And you, man?
Guy: Kwanzaa.
Waiter: Hey, by any change you are mixed with Jewish?
Guy: Er, no, everything but.
Waiter: Well…’cause, you know, I’m Jewish.
Guy: …Okay.
Waiter: Uh, ’cause you know, Kwanzaa’s a Jewish Holiday?
Girl: It is? Wow, I didn’t know that.

–Diner 24, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: enkie

Posted on January 7, 2016
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Customers, Guys, Holidays, Jews, Judaism, Men, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Waiters

Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Posted on January 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, D-List, Fashion, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Language Barrier, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Queers, Terrorism, Topics, Tourists, Trannies, TV, Women

…as Long As I Kept the Money Coming

Gentleman #1: Yeah I saw that girl.
Gentleman #2: Yeah I know, she was as happy as a parking meter!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Max

Posted on January 3, 2016
Compare/Contrast, Default, Happiness, Men, Street, Williamsburg, Words

We Advocate Wednesday One-liners

Man: …it just leads me to wonder which corner is more queer: the corner of Seaman and Seaman or the corner of Gay and Christopher.

–Dallas BBQ, W. 72nd Street

Overheard by: Djlindee

Posted on December 23, 2015
Gays and Lesbians, Men, NYC Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He Was a Very Foolhardy Investor

Hobo: Spare some change?…Why are you so selfish?
Man: Why are you so poor?

–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: David B.

Posted on December 4, 2015
Hobos, Manhattan, Men, Money & Class, People, Places, The Village

Stan and Ollie Take the Comedy Train

Older black man (squinting at the map through bifocals): Boy, this train doesn't even *go* to Franklin Street.
Younger black man: Give me my glasses, sit down, and shut the hell up! If you were in charge, we'd be on a 5 train and lost!

–2 Train

Overheard by: 2littlewings

Posted on December 4, 2015
Black People, Comebacks, Directions, Men, On the Subway

Men