7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: EVB
Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mollie Reznick
JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.
–L Train
Overheard by: high school was so two years ago
Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: David G
Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.
–A Train
Overheard by: jm
LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Andy
Mom to three-year-old daughter: Does it make you feel nice and happy and yummy and lovely when you go on the computer all day, or does it make you feel icky and sticky and ugly and stupid?
Three-year-old daughter, thinking: Ummmm… it depends.
–E 86th St
Overheard by: Sarah
Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lolita
20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!
–Starbucks
Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.
Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam Chalek
Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.
–Hospital, 10th Ave
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: john ainley
Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!
–French Consulate, Upper East Side
Overheard by: James
Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.
–Belmont Park Race Track
20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!
–Belmont Ave & 188th St
Overheard by: Toomuchinformation
Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.
–W 204th St
Overheard by: JMS
Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!
–Central Park
Little girl: Ooh, look mommy! That's a pretty convertible!
Mom: That's a hearse.
–75th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Andrea
Stringy-haired teen in waiting room: See? We got here an hour early and we're still sitting here.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
Stringy-haired teen: My stomach hurts. That chocolate I ate today upset my stomach.
Trashy mom: That's what you get for eating chocolate at eight am.
Stringy-haired teen: I woke up at six, ate some, then went back to bed. Then I woke up at eight and finished it.
Trashy mom: Shut up and watch Martha Stewart.
–Dentist Office, Brooklyn
Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: Raven
Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!
–8th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: stephie
Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!
–Stuyvesant High School
Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?
–LIRR
Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: me neither
Ticket seller to woman, about toddler: Well, he can come, but there is, you know… Subject matter.
Woman, sighing: The boy watches SpongeBob.
–Fela! Box Office
Overheard by: Patrick
