Little Wednesday One-Liner on the Prairie

20-something woman on cell: I fuck you, I get dinner. He fucks you, he gets a house!

–Washington Square

Girl: Earthquakes come every ten years, and it's not that bad. It's not like your house goes down or something.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: mia

Excited kindergartner: We played house and then we played going to the co-op!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Elderly man to another: People are gonna kill people, they just need to do it in their own house.

–Austin St & 77th Ave

20-something: So yeah, we used to hang out in elementary school. He'd come over my house, kinda like a "whose cock is bigger?" kinda thing.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: AnnaBanana

Posted on March 31, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Dating, Elementary & Middle School, Food, Gifts, Girls, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Men, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Queens, Sex, Street, Time, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Murderers…of Ignorance

Random guy to two girls: Hey, are you from NYU?
Girl: Yeah.
Random guy: Murderers!

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Posted on March 25, 2010
Girls, Guys, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, School and studying, Strangers, Weirdness

…If You Know What I Mean.

NYU boy #1: Jeff Goldblum enslaved my parents.
NYU boy #2: Jeff Goldblum lay siege to my castle.
NYU girl #2: Jeff Goldblum killed my velociraptor.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on March 20, 2010
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Murder, Parents, Students, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Death, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Love, Men, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I've Been Told That's Not an Option

Pissed dude: That woman is such an uptight asshole!
Bemused friend: Dude, she just needs to get laid–you should totally fuck her!
Pissed dude: I'll fucking kill her!
Bemused friend: With your dick!

–10th St & 4th Ave

Posted on March 14, 2010
Friends, Guys, Insults, Murder, Penis, Sex, Threats, Union Square and East Village

Although Mimes in Whiteface Are Worse

Toddler girl: And if she does it again, I'll kill her!
Mother: What?
Korean lady crossing the street: Blackface!

–W 3rd & Sullivan St

Overheard by: Billy Pelt

Posted on March 14, 2010
Kids, Koreans, Moms, Murder, Parents, Threats, West Village

The Gasman Promised to Use His Powers Only for Good

7-year-old boy: I can beat you up in a fight!
Mom: Oh, Lord, here we go…
7-year-old boy: What?
Mom: I said “Oh, Lord, here we go”!
7-year-old boy: I can beat you in fight! You said so yourself!
Mom: When?
7-year-old boy: You said my farts could kill people!
Mom: That's right, even in a hurricane.

–7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: EVB

Posted on February 26, 2010
Farting & Burping, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Union Square and East Village

High School's Really More About Human Sacrifice

Art teacher: Okay, your assignment for this weekend is to slaughter a small goat.
Student, after minute of silence: Oh… She wasn't serious.

–High School, Staten Island

Posted on February 21, 2010
Animals & Nature, Fast Times at New York High, Murder, Staten Island, Students, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liner Is the Second-Largest Property Owner in NYC, After the Catholic Church

Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.

–Columbia University

Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Katie Naum

Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.

–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: reluctantprof