With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!

–Grand Central Terminal

Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lisa

Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.

–Central Park

Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 29, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Marriage, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Undie-Liners

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

–120th & Broadway

Posted on November 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Brothers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Mouths Washed Out with Soap

Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]

–1 train

Overheard by: caitlinj

Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Mariah

Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.

–Forest Hills

Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!

–1 train

Overheard by: wba

Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)

Posted on October 30, 2020
Boys, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Guys, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Queens, Singing, Street, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-liners on Telemundo

Guy on cell: So how many Mexicans are trying to seduce you?

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on October 22, 2020
Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race

You Know You’re Loose When the Homeless Call You On It

Chick on cell: That sounds good. Oh yeah…you promise? Well I guess we could manage that around 8 o’ clock at Starbucks.
Hobo: Girl, you’re dirty. At a coffee shop?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ester Ellis

Posted on October 18, 2020
Central Park, Hobos, On Cell, Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners Can Pick Up Quarters With No Hands

Girl on cell: Quite frankly, I’d rather be pole dancing.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: braincurve

Girl: I mean, I’m a stripper, but that don’t mean I’m a ho.

–Central Park

Guy on cell: I don’t get the whole Penthouse Club thing. There are strippers, and they serve you steak? I don’t want a fucking stripper on my lap while I’m eating steak. I’ve got a knife.

–Austin Street, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Ethan

Black girl: ‘Fo real, she makes all that money dancin’, and she can’t even herself get a weave?

–86th & 2nd

Posted on October 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Dancing, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Queens, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Dropped Out of Lamaze

Girl: And it’s, like, strike two. You’re totally not getting a baby gift when I find out you’re preggers on Facebook.

–M23 bus

Suit on cell: My dad was making out with the nurse while I was being born…

–Fulton St

Overheard by: Miss Rach

Homeless lady: God’s pregnant! He wants the city dead! God’s pregnant!

–46th St & 5th Ave

Young boy pumping arms at sides and thrusting pelvis: Fertilize me!

–Starbucks

Posted on October 14, 2020
Homeless, Kids, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Completely Insulting Wednesday One-liners

Girl yelling across the street: Yo, she got more hair on her pussy than your bitch got on her head!

–St. John’s, Crown Heights

Woman on cell. One hundred dollars? You must have me confused with 1-800-Crack Whore.

–W 57th

Posted on October 11, 2020
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Etiquette, Fashion, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Prostitution, Sex, Sex & Relationships

The United One-Liners Of Wednesday

Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madison

Overheard by: catching a train

Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he's getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don't, Russia's going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Uptown R Train

Overheard by: Anna P.

20-something woman: I think he's just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.

–Bleecker & 11th

Overheard by: Imma club you

Father to five-year-old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin' on the block. Ain't no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he's walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

Posted on October 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Crazies, Crazy, Dads, Family Ties, Gay Man's Best Friend, Insults, Kids, Money & Class, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, School and studying, Stab, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for the Thirteen-Year-Old in Everyone

Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.

–Apartment Building, Midtown

Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."

–L Train

Overheard by: atrain

Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.

–1st & 15th

Overheard by: Angela

Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.

–77th & 2nd

Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."

–W 24th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Posted on September 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Excretions, Farting & Burping, Food, Friends, Girls, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, STDs, Stupidity, Tweens, Upper East Side, Weirdness

On Cell