Girl yelling across the street: Yo, she got more hair on her pussy than your bitch got on her head!
–St. John’s, Crown Heights
Woman on cell. One hundred dollars? You must have me confused with 1-800-Crack Whore.
–W 57th
Girl yelling across the street: Yo, she got more hair on her pussy than your bitch got on her head!
–St. John’s, Crown Heights
Woman on cell. One hundred dollars? You must have me confused with 1-800-Crack Whore.
–W 57th
Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!
–37th St & Madison
Overheard by: catching a train
Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?
–N Train
Crazy-eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he's getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don't, Russia's going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Anna P.
20-something woman: I think he's just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.
–Bleecker & 11th
Overheard by: Imma club you
Father to five-year-old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.
–Union Square
Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin' on the block. Ain't no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he's walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.
–V Train
Girl to friend: Whenever I get a really big booger, I feed it to the dog.
–Apartment Building, Midtown
Girl: And the doctor asked if she'd gone down on anyone lately, and she said "yeah, and when I was doing it, all these little bumps kept falling off in my mouth," and the doctor said "you have genital warts in your throat."
–L Train
Overheard by: atrain
Man on cell: And he opened a can of worms, ate the whole thing and then spit it all into his friend's mouth. We were dry heaving. But everyone just looked at us weird.
–1st & 15th
Overheard by: Angela
Preteen boy on cell: (belches) Huh? (belches again, loudly) What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm burping.
–77th & 2nd
Girl to friend: My dad would say, "don't send her chocolate, it makes mucus."
–W 24th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
–Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!
–Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Girl on cell: No, no, I’m not anywhere near there…No, I’m in Manhattan City, visiting a school.
–NYU Bookstore, Washington Place
Overheard by: Meghan
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.
–116th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.
Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!
–East Side
Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.
–42nd St & 5th Ave
Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!
–West Village
Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.
–G Train
Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.
–23rd & Lexington
Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!
–28th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Jar Aaron
20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.
–Herkimer St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: M. Fresh
Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things!
[Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN? [To the rest of the car] It was my husband.–Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station
Girl: I didn’t know my brother was going to be at the party! And he was in a sarong!
–Park Ave S & E 25th
Guy on cell: No, no. You can wear hats on the internet.
–Smith & Wyckoff, Cobble Hill
