Guy in suit #1: Well, at least it's Thursday.
(short pause)
Guy in suit #2: It's Wednesday, dude.
Guy in suit #1: (incredibly deep sigh)
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Jess
Guy in suit #1: Well, at least it's Thursday.
(short pause)
Guy in suit #2: It's Wednesday, dude.
Guy in suit #1: (incredibly deep sigh)
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Jess
Mother to little girl: Dammit! Stop that, you are not a cat!
Friend: What's she doing?
Mother: She's licking me! She meows too!
Little girl: Meow!
Female passenger: Meow!
(pause)
Little girl: Meow?
Female passenger: Meow!
–M15 Bus
Overheard by: Kat
Crazy guy, pointing to lady while addressing teenage girl: Are you friends with her?
Teen girl: No.
Crazy guy: No one is friends with each other anymore!
–Q46 Bus
Guy: But that way everyone feels a little more suicidal, and that makes it much more interesting.
–Broadway & 9th
85-year-old woman with leathery skin, in neon pink jumpsuit and sunglasses, with cigarette in one hand and cane in the other: I wish that cunt would just fucking kill herself!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: kyle
Woman to son, as they look at street vendors' wares: Oh, and do you have the number for the suicide hotline?
–Prince & Mulberry
Upper West Side suit to friend: And I was like, "but I've worn that four times, I can't wear that again. I'd just have to kill myself!"
–Broadway & 104th St
Overheard by: Cat
Man, to the tune of "Lean on Me": Sometimes in our lives/we want to jump right out the window…
–DUMBO, Brooklyn
Overheard by: amused
Toddler: Mommy, you make me suicidal!
–Roosevelt Island Bus
Old man on bus: Are you going to watch the derby?
Younger man on bus: No…I don't like horse racing at all, actually. I think it's cruel.
(pause)
Old man: You remember Paul Revere?
Younger man: Yeah.
Old man: He rode a horse.
–Bus Into Port Authority
Man on bus to woman next to him: You have a very nice smile.
Woman: Thank you.
Man: And don't you let anyone ever tell you you're fat. You're not. You're pleasantly plump. There's a difference.
–M15A Bus
Overheard by: Matt
Girl: Where they weird?
Guy: I don't know. They were Australian.
–M14D Bus
Teen #1: I'm a thug.
Teen #2: You ain't a thug. You got one minute to tell me why you a thug.
Teen #1, stammering: One, um, once an old lady asked me for some change at the bus stop and I slapped her.
Teen #2: That makes you a pussy, not a thug, nigga. 50 seconds…
–Bx8 Bus
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!
–English Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"
–126 Bus
Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jas
Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.
–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: LP
Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.
–Restaurant Row
Overheard by: Al-master
Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Helena
