Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on September 28, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Library, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Poop, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Son: Women Are Evil, and This Is How We Mask Our Shame

Little Boy: Mommy, what’s THAT? [points to tampon machine in the bathroom.]Mom: It’s for girls.
Little Boy: But what does it DO??
Mom: It’s for girls.
Woman exiting bathroom stall: You’re gonna have a hard time explaining this one.

–Barnes and Noble, Park Slope

Posted on September 23, 2014
Boys, Default, Education, Gender issues, Kids, Menstruation, Moms, Park Slope, Questions, Store, Strangers, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: Straight, Not Narrow

White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!

–Madison Square Garden

Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I'd be hitting that, but I'm not straight, so I won't be hitting that.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Maggie

Yelling blonde: What's my type? He should be straight, that's my type.

–68th & Columbus

Amateur philosopher: If I wasn't straight, I'd totally be gay.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Headaches

Teen girl to friend: They're not gay! They're just old!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on September 19, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Madison Square Garden, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Philosophy, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

The White Devil's Wednesday One-Liners

Older black man to nobody in particular: Ain't nothin' done changed in two-hundred years! White folks is still goin' round makin' a mess and then makin' a black man come in and clean up after them…

–Post Office, Gun Hill & Jerome, The Bronx

Asian girl: Do white people eat sandwiches for dinner?

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Spec

Black teen girl: If a sister is feeding a white bitch, you know she is fucked up.

–T.G.I. Friday's

Overheard by: Chris K

Black chick: But can a Frenchman be a honky?

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hunter

Linguistically savvy hobo: The term "cracker" originated from a man named Robert Whitely. It was used to refer to people as "white trash".

–37th & 3rd

Latina woman to elderly mother: We gonna find you a seat soon, mami. If I gotta beat up white bitches… Let's go.

–3rd & 1st

Overheard by: j

Posted on September 18, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Black People, Cleanliness, Fighting and ass kicking, Food, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Hobos, Latinos, Men, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Post Office, Psychology, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Threats, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

If Daddy Doesn't Get Croissant at Home, He'll Look Elsewhere

Mom pushing stroller: May I have some of your croissant?
Little girl in stroller: Yeah, but not daddy.
Mom: Oh, you don't want daddy to have any of your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want to control who gets to eat your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want control of your croissant?
Little girl: …yeah.
Mom: You want croissant power?
Little girl: (silence)
Mom: You want to be Captain croissant?
Little girl: (silence)

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Commodore Croissant

Posted on September 16, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Girls, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Weirdness

What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?

Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike

Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…

–82nd & Madison

Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…

Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.

–Park Slope

20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!

–St. Mark’s & Ave B

Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank

Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’

–Near Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer

Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rosie

Posted on September 11, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Guys, Judaism, Kids, Madison Square Garden, On Cell, Park Slope, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women, Words

Wednesday One-liners Lost Their MetroCard

Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Posted on September 5, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Puerto Ricans, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Travel

How Little Is Little?

Guy #1: What if it’s a crime or something?
Guy #2: So what? It’s not like you’re a rapist or anything. It’s not like you had sex with a little girl, right?

–Prospect Park

Posted on September 1, 2014
Brooklyn, Creepsters, Park Slope, Parks, Robbing the Cradle, Sex

Nothing Like Being Double-Teamed by the Classics

Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope

Overheard by: Random

Posted on August 30, 2014
Books & Writing, Cashiers, Customers, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, One Night Stand, Only in New York, Park Slope, Questions, Shopping, Store

If We Don’t Alienate Them, We’re Just Letting the Cripples Win

Girl on cell: Hey, Jim…Yeah I’m on the bus. We’re at 8th Street, but they’re loading a cripple on, so I’m going to be late….I know!

Later in the ride…

Girl on cell: Hey, Jimmy…Yeah, now they’re unloading the cripple. You guys should just start eating. I know! Didn’t people used to be housebound? Don’t they do that anymore?

–B63 bus, Park Slope

Overheard by: lish

Posted on August 25, 2014
Assholes, Disabilities, On the Bus, Park Slope