Politics

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

–Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

–12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!

–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!

–Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

–Hell's Kitchen

Well, If You Dismantle Capitalism, Your Fashion Options Will Be Limited

Girl #1: Anarchists are so dumb.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally.
Girl #1: I mean, just ’cause you hate the government doesn’t mean you have to dress badly.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Liser

Sorry, Pal, Majority Rules. Oh, Wait…

Old suit: Why can't we cross?
Police officer: The President's coming through.
Old suit: He's not my President. Where do you think you are?

–50th & 3rd Ave

Like the Country, They Ended up Turning to the Right

Stoner dude #1: Which way is it?
Stoner dude #2: Hold on. Hold on! I need to grapple with the political implications of this pickle.

–Canal & Bowery

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liner!

Hipster guy: He wants to write a book about how hipsters are all about being nihilistic and getting lung cancer from oral sex.

–Hop Scotch, Ave A

Hipster guy to girl: It’s like, you can’t take my identity. I’m a film director, that’s who I am. It’s like if I was a carpenter, I would make wood. I mean, I would make buildings… You can’t just choose to be a carpenter.

–Pepe Rosso’s, Sullivan St

Asian hipster chick: You know, when you ask someone what they’re doing and they say clearing their head? I don’t think you can really do that because when you say you’re clearing your head you are really thinking about clearing your head so it isn’t clear after all.

–A Train

Overheard by: kate

Über-hipster chick to another: Bitch! Brunch tomorrow or I’ll fucking smack that headband right off you!

–8th & Bedford, Brooklyn

Hipster girl: What floor was fluffy on?! What floor was fluffy on?!?!??!

–Hookah Bar, East Village

Overheard by: Marisa

Hipster: It was a mess. I mean, you don’t want anarchists at the socialist barbecue. Haven’t you ever read Kropotkin?

–125th St

Overheard by: Ali

For the Last Time, That's Those Damn Vegetable Smoothies

Bitchy gay guy, after overhearing lengthy phone conversation: Damn, he was on the phone longer than your local congresswoman.
Girl: I don't know, I just get so much energy from him.
Bitchy gay guy: I get gas.

–36th St, Queens

Overheard by: Jamie

The Search for Meaning Is Making Me Tired

Chick: Do you ever wonder if we’ll get tired of being so rich? You know, like what if later in life we randomly, like, decide to renounce our possessions or something drastic and move to Africa?
Man: What, are you saying you don’t enjoy our lifestyle anymore?
Chick: I don’t know… hey, do you wanna get some coke later?

–82nd & 1st

Overheard by: chuzzle in space

Josh Wins the Battle, but Loses the War

Boyfriend: Can you believe they're saying the temperature is gonna rise, like, 5 degrees over the next 100 years?
Girlfriend: Yeah, but it's all based on scientist's predictions and computer models.
Boyfriend: Predictions and computer models? C'mon!
Girlfriend: How do you think they predict anything?
Boyfriend: But to force public policy upon us based on these predictions and models is a mistake!
Girlfriend: Force public policy upon us? What are you talking about? Nobody's forcing you to do anything.
Boyfriend: Hillary Clinton taking oil company profits. There you go.
Girlfriend: (looks puzzled)
Boyfriend: Booyah!

–Pool, 79th St

Psh, Even Queens Has Moved On

Lawyer to Latina secretary: Yes, I meant do it now! What did you think I meant, tomorrow? Don't make me go all Hiram Monserrate on you!
Latina secretary: Okay, I'll do it now.
Lawyer: You don't even know who Hiram Monserrate is, do you?
Latina secretary: No, who is he?
Lawyer: I don't have the time. Google him when you get a chance. On your own time.

–Court St

Overheard by: Big Larry

But How Can We Tell?

Father: You see, girls, there is an election coming up, and so far we have only had boring white men. This time we could have a black man or a woman as our president!
Four-year-old daughter: But Daddy, we’re white!
Father: Yes, but we aren’t boring.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Emily

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