Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.
–B Train
Tourist looking at a subway map, drawing a line with his finger: Where does this train go?
New Yorker : Exactly where you just pointed.
–B Train
Woman #1: So I get out of the station and I get on the bus and I text my boss, and what happens? Man don't even look at his phone! I get in and he starts yelling at me! Boy was he embarrassed when I said hello, I already texted you and told you someone fell in front of my train and I was gonna be late!
Woman #2: Ha ha ha! That's hilarious!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Stroller mom admonishing toddler: Connor! Connor, stop that now. Connor, I'm going to count to three…in French. Un, deux, trois.
–Broadway & 93rd St
Father, teaching five-year-old son to urinate in the street: Okay, son, now you've gotta shake it.
–Fordham Road
Mom to seven-year-old daughter, on Yom Kippur: Only you could complicate a bagel purchase.
–Absolute Bagels, 108th & Broadway
Yuppie mommy to naughty child: Stop it! Stop acting up! Look, this is the reason people don't have kids.
–Starbucks
Woman to young sons: You see that boy in that other train over there? I'm gonna give him your present if you don't be quiet.
–6 Train
Father to three rowdy children: You guys are gonna need to calm down, this is gonna be a two hour ride and there is no bar car on this train. Which is unfair to daddies with 3 kids.
–Grand Central
Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.
–9th & 21st, Chelsea
Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.
–72nd & Central Park West
Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.
–Staten Island Barber Shop
Overheard by: Snewsboy
Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.
–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…
Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.
–Old Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: datura0001
Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Kitty
Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too.
–F Train
Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even.
–F Train
Overheard by: kdice
Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you?
–Port Authority
Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there.
–59th St. Subway Station
Overheard by: slc boy
Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir.
–F Train
Overheard by: linda
Tired commuter: I'm just gonna sit here…I'm too tired to stand.
(she squeezes in small space between two girls.)
Angry girl: You know, you shouldn't touch people's thighs!
Tired commuter: Ooooh, you need Jesus!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: …because that logically follows?
Conductor #1: We are sorry for the delay, there is a stalled e train at 7th Avenue. We will be going uptown on the…uhm…which line are we going on?
Conductor #2 (exasperated): I have no fucking clue.
(train laughs)
–E Train
Overheard by: So how am i getting home?
(well-dressed woman gets on downtown train at 34th Street, and gets agitated upon realizing it's not an uptown train)
Guy to well-dressed woman: The Upper East Side is the other way!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Marcus
Drunk man: I'm sitting between a homeless man and a hipster!
Supposed homeless man: I'm the hipster, right?
–L Train
Overheard by: Raine, Michelle, Pamela, Carrie, Lauren
Girl #1: Yeah, and I read that Hitler didn't really make the trains run on time. You know how they say he made them run on time? He didn't. They were always late. I read a study.
Girl #2: Of course! Because Nazis are evil! Evil people can't make trains run on time!
–Ladies' Room, Office Holiday Party
