Questions

Moist Wipes For All Escaping Religous Persecution

Little girl: Mommy, I’m hot. Can we swim in there?
Mom: No, sweetie. Everyone in New York poops in that river.

–Ferry to Ellis Island
Headline by: agela abdullah

Runners-Up:
· “And Your Turn to Poop in it Isn’t Until February” – Ryan
· “Great, I Need to Top up my Tan!” – SpaceBee
· “I Hear the McDonald’s Pool in the Back is Nice This Time of Year” – Lifeguard Larry
· “Like the Backseat of Your Volvo, Mommy?” – Jeff
· “M. Night Shamalan’s Next Script Idea” – Bevan
· “That’s the New Definition of ‘Hipster.'” – Matthew K Johnson
· “The Statue of Liberty Isn’t Holding a Torch; She’s Lighting a Match.” – erak
· “Well, the Rich People Can Afford to Poop in Long Island Sound” – M.D.
· “Well, Yes. That’s Why I Asked.” – Greg

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Ashley, I’m Serious!

Teen girl #1: Where did the stereotype that blondes are dumb come from?
Teen girl #2: Poland.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Just a Little Something for You to Think About While I Go in This Corner and Puke

Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done…but I love you.

–2 Train

Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am

How Could He Be Responsible from All the Way in Gaza?

Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Haley

And I Can't Ask— He Doesn't Own His Own Brownstone

Douche #1: Yeah, I can only wear tailored shirts now, I can't wear stuff right out of the store anymore.
Douche #2: Dude, do you, like, get them mammogramed?
Douche #1: Nah, I'm not sure if my tailor does that.

–4 Train

Overheard by: I.D.H.

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

…Since It's Already My “Status” on Facebook…

Student: Do you hate me, Mr Jones*?
Mr Jones*: I usually don't admit it, but in this case…

–Stuyvesant High School

It's Always a Good Time to Freshen Up the Sex Toy Closet

Woman: Is that a ferret?
Teenage girl holding ferret: Yup.
Woman: Cool!
Teenage girl's father: You want it?

–5th Ave & 60th St

Headline by: daniellediamond

Runners-Up:
· “”We Got Gerbils Too And… Wait… You’re Not a Cop, Are You?”” – The Drifter
· “I Have Enough Oversized Rats in My Apartment, Thanks” – pestilentia
· “It’s Extra for the Girl – But She Does Tricks” – JohnnyB
· “Naw, That’s Okay, My Possessions Already Smell Like Urine” – Rebecca Loeser
· “Steve Hasn’t Perfected His Marriage Proposal Yet” – Al Bundy
· “Strangely, Also How He Got Rid Of Her Mother” – Samantha
· “We Have to Give It Away, My Daughter Is Having “Inappropriate Fun”” – Gimmy Stuv

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Top Rack Only

Thug #1: Yo, what about the dildo, man?
Thug #2: Man, I washed that shit, man! It’s in my fucking dishwasher!
Thug #1: Fly, son.

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: QB

Because Postal Workers Are Legendary for Having Such Great Senses Of Humor

Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.

–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights

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