Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Duane Reade, Fast Times at New York High, Guys, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Knock-Offs, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourists, Train Station, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Superfluous Eruditeness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.

–Barnard College

Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: John David

Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!

–Nassau & Fulton

Overheard by: Tigertail

First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: bunbury

Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?

–70th & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazies, Friends, Grand Central, Illness, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Relationships, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words, Yuppies

And Having Kids As Cover

Girl, on Russian spies: Like, what were they doing anyway?
Guy, seriously: I don't know. Spying and stuff.

–E Train

Overheard by: Mary D

Posted on July 28, 2015
Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

It Was a Two-Xanax Climax

Black guy: So was he fun last night?
White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy: No more freshman for you!

–Outside Parsons The New School for Design

Posted on July 28, 2015
Black People, College, Cum, Questions, White People

…So, Not Jeopardy-Style, Like the Midterm.

Student: Can you tell us the format of the test?
Professor: There will be questions.

–NYU

Posted on July 28, 2015
Education, NYU, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Probably a Misunderstanding About the Meaning of “Eye Candy”

Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.
Stripper: Why did he do that?
Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We couldn’t go out for dinner for two hours until it died down.
Stripper: Wow.

–Strip Club

Overheard by: rory

Posted on July 27, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Coworkers, Cum, Default, Girls, Questions, Time, Weirdness

Except When I Went on That Drug Run

(after 20 minute discussion)
Kindergartener: What are we talking about?
Kindergarten teacher: Where have you been all day?
Kindergartener (shrugging) school.

–Public School

Posted on July 27, 2015
Kids, Questions, School, School and studying, Teachers/Professors

…But I Have This Machete Just in Case.

(cop has police tape pulled across intersection to prevent pedestrians from walking while traffic is moving)
Ten-year-old kid, wearing gray sweatshirt and blue baseball cap: Why are you doing that?
Cop: We got a call about someone wearing a gray sweatshirt and blue baseball cap prowling the streets, so this is to keep you safe. Do you feel safe, kid?
Kid, looking terrified: Yeah?

–5th Ave & 47th St

Posted on July 26, 2015
Cops, Fears, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

Some Potty Humor, Courtesy of Wednesday One-Liners

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train

Posted on July 26, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Coworkers, Drunks, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Guys, Homeless, Kink, Men, Money & Class, NYU, On the Subway, Pee, Poop, Port Authority, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, West Village, Women

And Having a Ball Together

Teenage Guy: Hahaha, I just put my sac on your arm!
Teenage Girl: What the fuck do you think gives you the right to do that?
Teenage Guy: Well, we’re dating, aren’t we?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Snow White

Posted on July 26, 2015
Balls, Central Park, Dating, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Parks, Questions, Teens

Questions