Coffee vendor: That iced coffee will be eight dollars, and the straw will cost you fifty cents extra, ha ha.
Cashier: Man, Joe, that coffee's expensive!
Coffee vendor: Why'd you gotta say my name, man? What if my baby mama came up in here looking for child support and youse be sayin' my name?!
–Westside Market
Very gay guy #1: What are you doing now?
Very gay guy #2: I'm heading home. My ex-wife is meeting me there to sign the divorce papers. She doesn't even know I'm gay yet.
–Spring & Broadway
Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!
–Newark Flight
DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!
–Hammerstein Ballroom
Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sam
Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: McFreaky
Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.
–6 Train
Overheard by: oya
Tourist: Excuse me, but could you please tell me the time?
New Yorker: What do I look like? Big fuckin' Ben or somethin'?
–Broadway
White girl #1: Do you dance hip hop?
White girl #2: I'm too white for that.
White girl #3: I can dance and I'm white.
White girl #2: But you're Russian? Russian people don't have any black people.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Guy #1: Yo, come and get some falafel with me.
Guy #2: Waffles?
Guy #1: No man, falafel. Trust me, it's mad good.
Guy #2: What is it?
Guy #1: Shit, I can't even explain it. It's like… chicken and waffles.
–Mamoun's Restaurant
Aaron: D’you remember that show when Duffy was married to Suzanne Somers?
Friend: (pissed) Aaron! Get it through your head, bro. I fucking hate Patrick Duffy.
Aaron: Who the fuck hates Patrick Duffy? That’s like hating the dad from Boy Meets World.
Friend: Are you fucking serious right now?
–45th & 3rd
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?
–Scholastic Store, Soho
Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…
Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?
–Canal Street Station
Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: fellow customer
Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: sarahjane
Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon.
–Barnard College
Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: John David
Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin!
–Nassau & Fulton
Overheard by: Tigertail
First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: bunbury
Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right?
–70th & Broadway
Girl, on Russian spies: Like, what were they doing anyway?
Guy, seriously: I don't know. Spying and stuff.
–E Train
Overheard by: Mary D
