Oh No, Wednesday One-Liners Didn't!

Middle aged white woman on cell: I did not call you a scumbag, but you are a scumbag.

–3rd Ave & 85th

Overheard by: Guy Walking

Street youth to another: Nigga, you got a face like a hologram!

–159th St & Ft. Washington

Girl: Yeah, she was like, "Oh my god! Did you see what this guy was wearing?" Please, she should go to a state school, because it sounds like that's where she belongs.

–NYU

Girl to boyfriend, during fight: You're like an empty Christmas present!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lizzie

Guy on cell: Well, that's one way of looking at it, but could it be possible that you just suck as a person, and it was really all your fault?

–N Train

Overheard by: Shock-E

Posted on July 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Street, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Like When My Girlfriend Said She's Slept with 3 Dozen People

Professor, holding up student's essay: This person made over three dozen grammatical errors on their essay.
Student, to another next to him: Oh my god…that means twelve!

–John Jay College

Overheard by: Erica

Posted on June 25, 2009
College, Education, School and studying, Science, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One-Liners (No Homo)

Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?

–Lehman College

Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!

–9th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: TR

Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?

–New Utrecht High School

Overheard by: Straight girl

Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?

–A Train

Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.

–L Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 24, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, College, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Village, Threats, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…We'll Call Person B “Jamal”

Teacher, pointing to three figures on board: Now, greeny is on his computer sending an e-mail to reddy, who is on the phone with blacky.
Student: Blacky?
Teacher: Oh, dear. Person A is on the phone with person B…

–Millennium High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on June 23, 2009
Fast Times at New York High, Lower Manhattan, Questions, Race, School and studying, Science, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

You Seem to Have a Gift, My Friend

(lady with 12-15 hula hoops walks onto subway and sits across a sleepy hobo)
Hobo, surprised: Oh! Why you have all those hula hoops?
Hula hoop lady: Oh, well, I'm a professional hula hooper…seriously!
Hobo: Nah, nah, I see it.
Hula hoop lady: I teach a class with hula hoops.
Hobo: Yeah… (very matter-of-fact) I see the physicality of it. (Hobo gets up and does a gyrating hula hooping motion for five seconds)
Hula hoop lady: Yeah, people really get into it.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rock the Red Sock

Posted on June 19, 2009
Dancing, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, School and studying, Women

You Lose Half a Grade for Ruining My Joke

Male student: (question is inaudible)
Old male professor: You want to have sex with me?
Male student: No, what's number six?
Old male professor: Oh,I was about to say I'm happily married.

–John Jay College

Overheard by: LMAO

Posted on June 18, 2009
College, Happiness, Marriage, Old People, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Give 'Em Somethin' to Talk About

Older woman to bored-looking male dinner companion, as they are seated at a table: Now we have to think of something to talk about.

–The Place, West Village

Overheard by: Colleen

Female grad student: I was trippy enough to talk to Shrek, but not trippy enough for him to answer.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Poogins

Hobo with huge afro chasing after two chatting women: Are you talking when the champion is speaking?! How dare you?

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Teacher to class entering auditorium: Children, stop talking! This is a building!

–College of Mount Saint Vincent

Man on cell: Ray Romano, you're talking to a millionaire!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Katie

Girl on phone: It's just like, he seriously has a really squishy face that you can stick your finger in, and it goes like a million miles in, and you're just like "what the fuck!" But yeah, nothing happened, we just talked.

–Palladium Residence Hall, NYU

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Men, Money & Class, Movies, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.

–Panera, Queens

Overheard by: NBG1

Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?

–Green Apple Cafe

Overheard by: Julie

Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!

–Nokia Theater, Times Square

Overheard by: dan

Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.

–E Train

Overheard by: MrsBall

Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!

–Times Square

Overheard by: JYC

Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!

–E 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Steve G

Posted on June 17, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brothers, Cleanliness, Condoms, Crying, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Hook Ups, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Psychology, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Smegma, Sorority Girls, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Theater, Threats, Time, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

My Therapist Says That's Why I Don't Get Any

40-something man: Hey! I know you! You're Victor's daughter, right?
Teenage girl: Yeah.
40-something man: Wow, look how tall you've gotten. You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your dad's from way back.
Teenage girl: Oh, awesome. (smiles)
40-something man: So…how are you? Still in school?
Teenage girl: No, no, graduated and taking a year off and then studying to be a lawyer.
40-something man, shaking head: Well, be prepared for a life of celibacy.

–34th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Sessi Li

Posted on June 16, 2009
Age/Aging, Family Ties, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Teens, Time

Plus I Had to Be Bedridden and Quarantined Every Time I Got My Period

Old woman with husband, reminiscing: When I was younger I had an art degree from Cooper Union, had a fantastic graphic design job. I had a great career going for myself. And then guess what happened.
20-something girl: You got married?
Old woman, shocked: No! How old do you think I am? That we're from the 1800s? (pause) Computers. That's what happened.

–Times Square

Overheard by: RCS

Posted on June 14, 2009
Age/Aging, Computer, Couples, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Marriage, Questions, School and studying, Time, Times Square

School and studying