Cute girl on phone: I woke up from a deep sleep last night, from the middle of a dream in which I was worried that I had to fix a project at work–to make sure that it didn't go out smelling like fart. That's how strong your fart was in the middle of the night under the covers. It got integrated into my dream and woke me up. (pause) I was worried too that I would smell like fart today because there was no way of having a hot shower. (pause) Thank god for perfume.
–St Mark's Place
Student #1: Gah, cyclohexane smells like ass!
Student #2: Gretchen!*.
Student #1: Sorry, I like sounding smart and stupid at the same time.
–Barnard Chem Lab
Hoochie lady to friend: Hooooo! Girl! Close yo' legs! You stinking up the whole damn train!
(stranger laughs)
Friend to stranger: What you think is so funny, white boy?
–Metro North
Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Dazzle
Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich
Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!
–45th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Culturally Challenged
20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.
–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant
Overheard by: elephantgiraffe
Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.
–McCarren Park Pool
Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people
Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."
–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
Girl #1: Oh… I love that smell…smells like my grandma's garden.
Girl #2: Huh? I smell marijuana.
Girl #1: Oh… (long silence)
–Union Square
Chick #1: It smells like bathroom deodorizer in here.
Chick #2: I was spraying so much cheap perfume on my crotch today that my roommate finally came in and told me to stop. I was so nervous because I'm meeting my ex-boyfriend later, and the cheap stuff doesn't last long.
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: akesmith
Girl #1: Wow, you must be in so much pain.
Girl #2: Not really, I'll just be really embarrassed when I have to change my pants.
–Minskoff Theatre
Overheard by: FerretMan
Girl #1, about friend walking by: Oh my god, you smell so good, is that Rush by Gucci?
Girl #2: No, that's me!
Girl #1: Ohhh.
–Lafayette & Grand
Overheard by: j
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
