The Homogenization of Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy to friend on phone: Oh my god, she's not answering her phone? She's having sex. If she's not answering her phone, then she is definitely having sex. Hang up now, because she's having sex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: 1-900-Leave-A-Message

Flamboyant gay on cell: And oh. My. God. Let me just tell you about the cock. The fucking cock. It was eight inches of fucking perfection. I swear to god! It was beautiful. And I was always thinking like, "He's so perfect, there has to be something wrong with him. He must curve to the left or something." But no. I want to take pictures of it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julia

Hot gay guy: I went shopping, got a 90-minute massage and then started drinking. It's been, like, the best day ever.

–Barrage, 47th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Flaming gay handler: I was going to wear my gold ankle booties, but I was afraid they'd clash with my Beagle's fur!

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber

20-something gay office worker: He's buying me a wok! I think it's for real! (pause) I'll chicken-fry his rice.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: spf

Gay to faghag: So, you ready to go? We can talk about vagina at Lincoln center. (pauses, takes in her reaction) No? Too off-topic?

–Subway Restaurant, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: onelinerwonder

Posted on April 22, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Fag Hags, Fears, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Height, Insults, Madison Square Garden, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Penis, Pictures, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And Where's Our Nobel Prize, Motherfuckers?

Girl #1, walking past NYSC: We should be working out like them…assholes.
Girl #2: It's fine, we are doing more productive things.
Girl #1: More productive than working out? Like what?
Girl #2: Going out, drinking, eating, and shopping!

–Wall Street

Posted on April 11, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Fitness, Food, Girls, Insults, Questions, Shopping, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday See, One-Liner Do

Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?

–TKTS

Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!

–NYC Lab School

Overheard by: T

Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.

–Chelsea

Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)

–E Train

Overheard by: Ja9

Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.

–Times Square

Overheard by: fluffyautist

Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.

–Bronx Zoo

Posted on April 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Broadway Shows, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Questions, Religion, School, Science, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Teens, The Bronx, Time, Times Square, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Um, Isn't That the Tablecloth and Bed Linens Floor?

Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh…uhh…7th floor.

–Macy's, Herald Square

Posted on April 2, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Diet/Weight, Directions, Fat People, Questions, Shopping, Store, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for “White Harlem”

Columbia freshman: Mwahaha…I love contextual references.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: not studying…

Guy to friends: God, why doesn't Columbia have a freakin' umbrella over it?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: dripping wet

Columbia student to another: I didn't mean to get drunk last night, but I stopped by a liquor store on the way home.

–Columbia University

Columbia student to friend: Do you want to go frolic in Westside Market?

–110th & Broadway

Female Columbia student to male Columbia student, smacking him with foam covered bat: Sometimes I feel like we belong in a state school.

–Columbia Dorm

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Friends, Guys, Laughter, Library, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Shopping, Students, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

…Depending Upon Whether or Not You Can Count Past “2”

Shop assistant: Would you like a $3 discount or $5 discount?
Aussie girl buying shoes: Well, that's a stupid question!
Shop assistant: No! That's not a stupid question!

–Shoe Store, 42nd St

Overheard by: ALINA

Posted on March 17, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

We Germans Have Never Lied About Anything

Sales rep: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have that specific style here. You could try Saks.
Affluent German woman: The lady at Saks told me to look here! (sniffling) Why does everyone lie to me?

–Bergdorf Goodman, 5th Ave

Overheard by: Blacknoise

Posted on March 15, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Fashion, Foreigners, Lies, Questions, Shopping, Store

With a Lot Of Parts Left Over

Preppy guy #1: Dude, Ikea's where you come when you want to see what your life could really look like.
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, it's like imagination land!

–Ikea, Brooklyn

Posted on March 14, 2009
Brooklyn, Preppies, Shopping, Store, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?

–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th

Overheard by: Ladle

Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.

–Penn Station

Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nathan

20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.

–Washington Square

Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!

–Spring St & Crosby St

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cleanliness, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Parks, Penn Station, Preppies, Questions, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, Thugs, Vegetarian & Vegan, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Shopping