“Wednesday One-Liners” by Mennen

45-year-old woman: So I ended up shaving it, and it looks so pretty! It's like I'm ten years old again!

–Houlihans Restaurant

Overheard by: remembers when she was ten years old

Girl on cell: Wait. The dad shaves the son's ass?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Guy in shower to guy in the next: Man, I am never shaving my pubes again.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Guy with a bunch of tattoos: The sex was great, but she was psychotic. Every time I shaved she would accuse me of having had oral sex with another woman.

–86th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alan

British woman on cell: Are you shaving? Your face or your balls?

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Just around

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, BJs, Body Parts, Brits, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crazy, Family Ties, Girls, Hair, On Cell, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square

Posted on November 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Food, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Knock-Offs, Lies, Money & Class, News, One-liners, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Shea Stadium, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Was Gonna Make a Bra with Those

Man with four traffic cones slung over his shoulder: They took our fuckin' cones, man.
Friend: They what?
Man: I'm taking our fuckin' cones back. They stole our fuckin' cones.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Posted on November 25, 2008
Cars and Driving, Friends, Men, The Village, Thievery, Weirdness

Raising a Masochist Has Its Challenges

Yuppie mom to crying daughter: Sophie, put your jacket on or you're going to get sick and have to get shots!
Detached father: Yeah, ten shots…and they'll hurt.

–Bleecker & MacDougal

Overheard by: Samskiii

Posted on November 21, 2008
Clothing, Dads, Family Ties, Illness, Kids, Medicine, Moms, The Village, Weirdness, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Their Neighborhoodies Proudly

Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street.

–NoHo

Overheard by: me too

Middle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them!

–Dentist Office, Carroll Gardens

Suit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land!

–L Train

Girl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi… (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had…a shitty… experience in Bushwick.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rebecca

Hipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude!

–23rd St & 8th St

Overheard by: alex

Posted on November 19, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Judaism, Men, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Race, Suits, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

Wednesday's One-Liners Are Standing at Attention

Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hairy pink nipples

Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!

–Bathroom, NYU

Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace

Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Nameless

Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Janusz

Posted on November 19, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Colors, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Nipples, NYU, On Cell, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Teens, The Village, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Soundtrack of Your Life

Guy to friend: Dude, I'm working on a new house song right now. It's going to kick ass. It's called "Google It". It goes "Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…"

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Ian

Two guys: Ladies and gentlemen, we are not asking for any money, we just want to sing a little Linkin Park. (they proceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park)

–Uptown N Train

Overheard by: Hametuka

Hipster to friend: Flava Flav…yeah, he's like that skinny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… "my precioussss…" Yeah… That's him…just a darker version.

–Subway, Brooklyn

Preteen: I won't beat my wife! I listen to Bob Marley!

–E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd

Dude (matter-of-factly): Crazy northerners…don't quite understand that we're aware of how to speak English in the South. We just choose to say things cooler. That's why Southern rap sounds so much cooler.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: another misunderstood southerner

Middle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Country Western songs about little girls recently? There's like four of them, and they're all really good too!

–Pinkberry, Bleecker b/w MacDougal & Sullivan

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on November 19, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Family Ties, Friends, Google, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hipsters, Kick, Languages, Lower East Side, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Bridge-o, Tunnel-o

Jersey man: Look, Houston Street!
Daughter: Daddy, it's “house-ton.”
Jersey man: Tomato, toe-mah-to.
Daughter: You're so bridge and tunnel it's disgusting.

–Houston St

Posted on November 15, 2008
B & T, Dads, Families, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Words

At the Greenwich Village Explorer's Club

Girl #1: I didn't think that Newark was actually a place. I thought it was just an airport and a factory. But apparently it has, like, government-funded housing or something.
Girl #2: So, like, poor people?
Girl #1: Yeah!

–Greenwich Village

Posted on November 15, 2008
Girls, Money & Class, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, U.S. Geography

Nah. Do What You Want–and Take the Consequences

Well-dressed balding father: I could honestly care less.
Shaggy haired teen: You're my father! You're supposed to care if I'm failing out of school and doing drugs!
Well-dressed balding father: Nope, not interested.
Shaggy haired teen: You have to care! I can't believe this shit!

–Bleeker & Broadway

Posted on November 14, 2008
Dads, Drugs, Family Ties, School and studying, Teens, The Village, Weirdness

The Village