Girl #1: So I was thinking about milk the other day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Other cows?
Girl #1: No, dumbass! They eat grass! So it stands to reason, when you drink milk, you’re actually drinking liquified grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drinking milk anymore.
Girl #1: Totally, that’s why I drink soy.
–Veniero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Hipster girl #1: So basically he put his penis in your vagina, but you're too nervous to go on a date with him?
Hipster girl #2: Yep.
Hipster girl #1: Girl, you're fucked in the head.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids.
–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run
Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.
–62nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Timo Lipping
Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded."
–W 54th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Johnny V.
Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know?
–Becco Restaurant, Theater District
Overheard by: mersayseh
Suit: You know any good bars around here?
Nerd: No. This area is too cool for me.
–Ave A, between 6th & 7th
Two women pass each other on the street.
Woman #1: Saline?
Woman #2: Yep!
–St. Marks Place
Father: Will you be in tomorrow?
Techie #1: Unfortunately, no, sir.
Father: Well, then who will I yell at if anything goes wrong with the computer?
Techie #2: You could always yell at me, sir!
Daughter, uncertain: … Do you… like to be yelled at?
–Circuit City, Union Square
Woman: Well, I hope they have tables…
Man: I hope they have shots.
–3rd & 17th
Lady #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
Lady #2: Are you kidding? Listen, honey, let me tell you…I just finished my starter marriage, and I’ve been dating like crazy!
–6 train
Overheard by: BBW
Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Isn’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yesterday, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.
–F train
Overheard by: fridayweasel
Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sandwich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.
–Union Square
Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not going to change the fact that he did it and he’s probably just going to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the satisfaction of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.
–6 train
Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your period is ending.
–Q train
Queer #1: The thing about sexuality is…
Queer #2: No! Were you gay when you were a prostitute?
–3rd St & 7th Ave
