U.S. Geography

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Where in the World Are Wednesday One-Liners?

College girl: So, I'm thinking of going to France and/or, like, Europe.

–Penn Station

Confused tourist with map: Where's Chicago? Oh, right…that's here in New York City, right?

–Times Square

Guy with map in Tribeca (pointing ahead to the south): Okay, so Central Park should be this way…

–Tribeca

Wide-eyed tourist: Oh my god, we're in Central Park! Can you believe it?

–Riverside Park

30-something zoo patron to zoo employee: I thought Madagascar was just the name of a character in that movie.

–Madagascar Exhibit, Bronx Zoo

Doesn't Explain the Colonel Sanders Suit, Though

British chick: Do you think that you have an accent?
American guy: I've moved around a lot, so I've got a pretty basic American dialect. I've got a bit of a southern drawl, but that's more because I'm lazy.

–R Train

But Only Certain Kinds of Love

Sorority girl #1: Maybe Italy is, like, the city of love…
Sorority girl #2: No. That's Virginia.

–Wagner College

Is the Word “Like” a Free Pass on Bad Math? Discuss

Tourist #1: I've been in about 40 states so far.
Tourist #2: Wow, that's like half of them!

–Central Park

Overheard by: 1f

…While Zach Played a Gay Porn Star on SVU

Thug to baby momma: You see, what had happened was Zack Morris married Kelly Kaposki in Vegas.
Baby momma: That's what had happened?
Thug: Yeah, and then Kelly Kaposki changed her name and she stayed in Vegas.

–W. 117th & Lenox

Are You Calling Me Gay?

African American man: Seeing someone get laid out on the street is a real New York City stereotype. Like if you flew to Texas and you got picked up by a cowboy on a horse.
African American woman: More like if the plane was a pickup truck and you get dragged behind it.

–Q74 Bus

Before I Laugh at You, I'm Just Curious.

Indian tourist to train conductor: How do I get to Florida from here?
Train conductor: Which part? Orlando or Miami?

–Shuttle Train, Grand Central

Overheard by: blue rock

That's Your Safe Word? Really?

Casual businessman #1: Boise's good…
Casual businessman #2: Boise's reeeaaall good…

–Houston & Ludlow

Waiter– There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Food.

Girl on cell: Wait, so you're telling me this guy has a Mohawk and he doesn't drink?

–Lower East Side

Girl to boyfriend, excitedly: I haven't washed my hair in weeks!

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: MC

Girl to finance boyfriend: No, really, it's okay that you like to gel your hair.

–Outside Tavern on the Green

South Carolina girl: In South Carolina we would call your haircut a mullet, but since you have gel in it, it's called "Long Island hair."

–Hell's Kitchen

Hipster girl on cell: You know your hair is too long when it gets caught in your armpits.

–Central Park

Angry man on cell: That mole! With the hair growing out of it!

–62nd b/w Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Laïla

Older woman (after cast runs off naked): I was looking, and I was glad to see that all of the women had hair down there.

–Delacorte Theater, Hair Intermission

Overheard by: Musicn3rd

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